This morning I’m rousting my 12 year old daughter out of her room to get her on the way to the bus stop for school. While doing her hair, she was listening to some sort of pop/bubblegum type radio station. The morning show announcers were making fun of none other than Tiger Woods.
I’ve gotten hundreds (yes you can stop sending them in) of emails and links to Tiger Woods jokes, photoshopped images of Tiger all beat up, and about a billion youtube videos containing the infamous TW voicemails. People are actually taking the time to video tape reenactments of TW’s voicemails with Tiger lookalikes and load them up on youtube. Some “artists” have actually turned Tiger’s voicemails into songs and are trying to capitalize on the increased bandwidth.
The other day I learned more about the female anatomy than I could have ever imagined, after someone sent me information on a rumored mistress of Tiger who was a porn star. I only looked at 400-500 photos of her… I swear.
This one is so bad
Apparently at a recent Jaguars/Texans football game a very tasteless skit had a blonde chasing the Jaguar (or a Tiger I guess) with a golf club:
When does it end?
I’m already getting nauseated by all this. It is really getting bad, but the news about Tiger seems to get worse right along with it.
Another 911 call from Tiger Woods’ Home at 2:30am happened this morning. The mother of Elin Woods, staying at Tiger’s house since all the chaos broke, was hospitalized for stomach issues and released about 12 hours later.
Anyone looking for a scoop on TW should just plan on around 2:30am at his house, when all the “action” takes place.
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I’ve gotten a bunch of emails from golf widows asking me what I suggest they buy their golfer husbands for Christmas. So here is a short list of cool items, ranging from $5.99 to $85. The last item on the list is for those husbands to buy their golf widows…
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Frogger Brush Pro – Under $20
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Perhaps the best and most useful golf gadget or accessory I can think of, and not too high of a price, is the Frogger Brush Pro. I’ve been using Brush Pro’s since I first reviewed them back on May 17, 2007. I use my Brush Pro to clean my grooves before every shot and make sure I put the right spin on the ball. |
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Frogger Amphibian Ball Towel – $11.95
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The 2nd best accessory I can think of (and Frogger has no idea I’m posting these and isn’t paying me to post these by the way) is the Frogger Amphibian Ball Towel. This towel has an inner (wet) side and outer (dry side) and fits easily in a pant pocket. When you mark your ball on the green and realize you have a mud ball, the pocket towel is handy and does a great job cleaning that ball up so you can sink winning putts. |
Sumi-g Golf Belts – $85
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Sumi-g is a new company I’ve gotten to be great friends with. Their belts are the COOLEST out there. I’ve already reviewed the Stymie and Dormy belts.
Available here. |
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SUMI-G Head Covers – $28-$38
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SUMI-G head covers are very cool. They employ a rigid exoskeleton, mechanical enclosure, and can be installed and removed with one hand and without bending over to pick them up.
Available here. |
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Fooking Long Golf Balls – $24.99
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Fooking Long Golf balls are just that, FOOKING LONG. They’re also illegal.
Available here. |
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Bridgestone B330-RX Golf Balls – About $45
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My vote for the best new golf ball of 2009 is hands down the Bridgestone B330-RX. This ball is long (legally long), high performance and durable. This ball is very long for slower swing speeds of amateurs.
Available at any golf shop. |
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Golf Dotz – $5.99
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A very inexpensive and FUN item is GolfDotz. They’re transfers which bond to the ball and have many cool shapes and designs, like my favorite, the skull and bones.
Available here. |
MySack Accessory Bag – $11.99
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A very funny golf gift, MySack is a golf accessory bag with a “unique” shape. It may look funny, but MySack is actually quite useful and functional!
Available here. |
Annika Perfume – $59-79
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Annika perfume smells good.
Available here. |
I’m not sure how much more of this stuff I can take. My phone keeps ringing early in the morning on weekends now, robbing me of my beauty sleep.
This whole TW situation has completely sapped me of what limited creative golf blogging juices I had. It really has. I used to be excited to write about golf, golf courses and equipment. I’m having trouble now getting my golf mojo up. Maybe some transgressions will help…
There are rumors of two more mistresses now. The first is named Mindy Lawton. Mindy is a “busty” (a.k.a. not skinny) waitress at a Perkins down the street from Tiger Woods’ home. A piece in the New York Post alleges that there was S&M going on and that they frequented many rooms in Tiger Woods’ house. The other alleged mistress is a bubbly looking 27 year old blond “model” from Vegas named Jamie Jungers.
I’m glad I don’t have this problem
I guess I should count my blessings that all I win on the golf course is $4 from my buddy Marius on Thursdays. I’m glad I’m not a billionaire golfer. Though she doesn’t handle a golf club terribly well, my woman is a bad-ass. She was a world champion Muay Thai kick boxer with more black belts than Chuck Norris. She could kick my ass so bad it isn’t even funny. Fortunately for me I have no transgressions to repent for. I’m safe.
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