PGA Merchandise Show
The social posts, blog posts, and articles from the 2017 PGA Merchandise Show are starting to roll in. Sigh. As I mentioned in the previous post, I’ve made an executive blog decision to sit out the show this year as I did last year. There is plenty of media there to cover the latest in the longest long super long more yardage longer longest long LONG big huge super long low spin long carry long distance mega long drivers and of course the awesome golf club stands. Yes there is a lot of nonsense at the PGA Show, which I won’t miss, but there are many things I will miss, a lot.
Top 10 Things I’ll Miss at the 2017 PGA Merchandise Show
- Free booze! – Love packing booths at the end of the day to get a free beer. But as you can see from the ladies below, several days of drinking can take its toll!
Getting in a booth that offers free booze, let alone getting to the bar is a war. KILL KILL!
- Free swag? I have to mention it, but the last few shows I went to I intentionally came home empty handed. Too much golf stuff here at HOG World Headquarters as it is LOL.
- Warm weather. We had 20 inches of snow in 24 hours a couple of days ago. It’s nice to go to Orlando and get out of the cold.
- Booth babes. Yes the same thing I complained about in the previous post.
After all, they give me plenty of blog material and of course more hits when I post pictures of them.
- Playing golf in Florida, at courses I haven’t played. Definitely a benefit of going to the Show.
- This mannequin:
I visit her every year. I can’t quite “pinpoint” what I like so much about her but I stop by and admire her every Show. On a side note I can never figure out why that section of the show is so cold every year.
- Meeting famous people in golf. Below is me with the maker of the most over-priced and over-sought-after putters, Scotty Cameron.
- There’s a lot of real junk at the show, but there are the occasional very cool new golf products. It’s fun to see what the golf inventors and designers come up with to shave more strokes off your game.
I’m still about the same handicap I was 10 years ago though.
- Tilted Kilt. I love me a good ole fashioned Florida Scottish pup with the greasiest fried food on the planet and the hottest waitresses. Unfortunately in the photo below I couldn’t put my arm around her because I had just dislocated my shoulder and my arm is in a sling. Booo.
Okay I lied. I just like the place because its initials are “TK” and they have a beer called the “TK Ale.”
- Perkins. I always stop by for some pancakes. Yes, this is “the” Perkins where it all went down, so to speak.
- PEOPLE – By far the biggest thing I’ll miss at the PGA Show is the AWESOME PEOPLE.
I have so many great friends in the golf industry. It pains me to miss out on an opportunity to see you all. Damn that hurts!
For 10+ years I ponied up my own money for plane tickets from Utah to Orlando to attend the PGA Merchandise Show and report to HOG readers about the latest longest long long super long really awesome big long longest longer drivers. Along with those expenses were rental car fees, lodging, transportation, food and beverage, parking etc. It added up to thousands by the time I was done with a week in Orlando. While in Orlando something happens to my body. I’m allergic to something there. It’s the swamp water or something. I get massive headaches, my eyes turn as red as a ripe tomato and hurt like hell, and my digestive system shuts down literally for the entire time I’m there. Needless to say that is, shall we say, uncomfortable.
So the last couple of years I’ve made the executive decision to pass on the PGA Show. I was probably the first blogger to ever “live blog” from the show, and now there are dozens of blogs and websites doing that stuff. They’ve got it covered. I can stay home with my family, not have to take time off of my day job, and not have to fork money out of my own pocket that the blog advertising would never recoup.
I do miss going and seeing all my industry friends and I’m going to write a companion post to this one, logging the 10 things I miss most about not attending the PGA Merchandise Show. But for now, here are the:
Top 13 Things I Won’t Miss at the PGA Merchandise Show
- Massive migraine headaches every day. Seriously! WTF is in the air/water in Orlando?
- Crap “show” food
- Bloodshot eyes that are hurt and look as red as ripe tomatoes. Seriously! WTF is in the air/water in Orlando?
- Puma’s “DJ” cranking out mind numbing, eardrum shattering, wrist-slitting, talent-less “music” that goes boom-tiss, boom-tiss, boom-tiss, boom-tiss, boom-tiss, boom-tiss, boom-tiss, boom-tiss, boom-tiss, boom-tiss, boom-tiss, boom-tiss, boom-tiss, boom-tiss, boom-tiss, boom-tiss, boom-tiss, boom-tiss, boom-tiss, boom-tiss, boom-tiss, boom-tiss…. for f*&king ever. The poor FootJoy guys across the aisle will be deaf by the end of the show, if they don’t kill themselves first.
- Booth babes. I have no respect for golf companies who hire local
strippers “talent” to attract visitors to their booths. For example the photo below. I have no recollection of the product or company represented at this booth.
- Being subjected to the marketing nonsense of the longest long long super long really awesome big long longest longer drivers ever in the whole universe, longer than ever LONG!
Did I mention how long it is? Longest EVA!!!
- Foreigner in concert
- Drinking and eating too much.
- Golf club stands and other horrible golf inventions which will only serve to bankrupt the inventor and investors.
- Booths staffed by people who don’t speak english. Why someone would pay $40,000 for a booth and then put reps in there who can’t communicate with customers or sell products is mind boggling.
- Speaking of spending $40,000 on a booth, I have to mention the “sleeping dude in the booth” thing. As the show wears on, people will be nodding off in their booths.
- Educational conferences on how to “grow the game” which are full of buzz phrases and “feel good” ideas. Those ideas will be completely ineffective, just like last year’s ineffective ideas and the year before…
- Being constipated for a whole week after drinking and eating too much. Seriously! WTF is in the air/water in Orlando?
So there it is, more than you ever wanted to know about a golf blogger’s digestive system and the only place on the entire planet it fails in: Orlando.
Boobs are the best way to sell golf equipment… Click to expand, if you have a big enough monitor.
Though I am not at the 2014 PGA Merchandise Show this week, I can tell you everything that is going to happen there. Here’s a bullet list of some of the highlights one can expect at the PGA Show:
- Every golf company’s new and bestest awesome driver ever in the universe will be longer than ever! BOOM! LONG! BIG! POW! LONG LONG LONG!
- Every golf ball manufacturer’s ball is the longest ever and has more spin for control around the greens! More control and more distance, every year! How do they do it!?!?!?
- Puma will have a DJ and the guys across at FootJoy will be deaf by the end of the show! Boom-tis boom-tis boom-tis… OOOHHHHH YEAH!
- Some golf companies will attract visitors to their booths with hired local strippers! Yay for strippers! Booth babes! Problem is, the visitors will never remember the company or its offerings: “Hey Bob, remember the boobs on those two blonds at that one booth? I can’t remember the company, but I sure remember those boobs!”
- Many first-time companies will display puzzling products, like golf club stands. Why they decided to blow their life savings on a booth at the show for a product which can’t even garner $5 on ebay is beyond me.
- Companies and entrepreneurs who don’t have enough money for a booth will be soliciting people on the show floor, like flashers or counterfeit watch salesmen on the streets of NYC: “Hey buddy, wanna see something cool?”
- Chinese companies will be going around the show covertly taking photos of the products they will counterfeit.
- Foreigner will play the after show concert for the 208th year in a row.
- Non industry professionals who borrowed passes from their golf industry friends will be scouring the show for all the free golf schwag they can carry in a bag they got at the first booth they visited. “Look at these free tees I got!!! Yippeeeee!!!”
- As each show morning comes, every participant will have a bigger hangover and sorer feet.
- People will stand in line for TWO hours to hit the latest TaylorMade driver.
- Golf Channel TV personalities will cut in line at the hot dog stand in front of us low-lifes who are politely waiting in line. This happened to me more than once!
- Educational conferences will cover “growing the game” and new “golf initiatives,” but they will be completely forgotten and ineffective. New drivers will still be $400. Golf will still be too expensive. Golf will still take too long. Handicaps will stay the same. The game will remain difficult…just like the last year and the year before… and so on, and so on.
- Parking will suck. Ride the shuttles!
- Show food will suck. Pack a lunch.
- By the last day of the show, exhibitors will be nodding off to sleep in their booths which they paid $40,000 for. Then, after waking up, they will start packing up the booth many hours before the show ends.
- Astonishingly, many expensive booths will be staffed by people who do not speak english. Countless communication problems will likely lead to lost sales.
I could go on, but it is lunch time…
For the first time in about a decade I have decided to skip attending the PGA Merchandise Show. Many of my golf associates seem a bit shocked about this and understandably. I’ve been a fixture there for a long time. I’m still getting calls and texts inviting me to booths, parties, lunch, and rounds of golf in Orlando! I will really miss seeing my friends and associates, and some of the golf media/bloggers. Some, not all! Most of all, I’ll miss walking by the women’s apparel booths which have female mannequins with erect nipples. OOOHHH…
I will miss my golf blog pals…
I was one of, if not THE first blogger to do live blogging and social networking from the PGA Show and probably the first to shoot POV video interviews. With so many other bloggers and social networkers at the show these days, I decided I’d stay home with the lovely wife and my one year old, save the money, and let them all cover it. As an independent blogger without a parent company paying the way, it is an expensive proposition to go to the show from Salt Lake. With recent changes in Google’s search results and ad structure, it could take months or even years for my ad revenue to cover the costs of going to the show like airfare, hotels, food, rental cars etc. It all comes out of my pocket. Honestly, I’d rather put that dough toward my next trip to Scotland.
I’m also thrilled to be avoiding whatever it is in the Orlando air or that awful swamp water there which throws my body into some kind of jacked up sickness. As soon as I roll into O-town my eyes become bloodshot and worst of all, I get mega-constipation. “Yes Tony, blog more about your bowels and their lack of functionality.” Hey, if you were at a trade show for a week and NEVER had a sit down on the porcelain throne, you’d feel my pain, literally. It hurts. I’m happily home, and having regular daily sit downs… ahhh.
I’ve been pondering all of the wonders I’ll miss at the PGA Show, the booth babes, the new longest drivers in the world, golf balls which are longer than ever. I decided to do a cynical post about the PGA Merchandise Show here.
2013 was quite a year for Hooked On Golf Blog and me, Tony Korologos. This article is part one of two (part two tomorrow), looking back at 2013 from at HOG viewpoint.
Ah the beginning of a new year and the hopes that my short game would improve. There’s always 2014…
Rory McIlory switched to Nike Golf. Personal issues, business issues, and perhaps the equipment switch would contribute to a less-than-satisfying year on the course for Rory.
Attended the PGA Show for the billionth time. Orlando hates me and my body. Had a great time seeing the new gear, meeting old golf friends and battling in the Battle of the Golf Blogs.
February I posted a bunch of golf videos from the PGA Merchandise Show.
Asher Golf’s James Roundy, a local friend, passed. Sad.
The Hooked On Golf Blog World Tour traveled to Bogota, Colombia. What a fantastic trip! I got to play golf with Web.com Tour star Kevin Foley in the Web.com Tour Colombia Championship Pro-Am. Kevin would later gain his PGA Tour card for 2014! He must have learned from my dual chicken wing granny over the top swing.
While in Colombia I played golf at La Cima Golf Course, 10,000 feet above sea level in the Andes Mountains. Wow. Ball go far.
Met Web.com Tour player Dusty Fielding. Nice kid.
A fun blog post was “Filtering Out the Noise: Golf Social Networking’s Top 10 Overused Status Updates.”
I reviewed the Cobra Amp Cell driver.
Bubba’s Hover was the video rage. Bubba Watson released a golf cart hovercraft!
Of course, April is Masters month. Not a month is busier for me or HOG. Lots of Masters related articles. Adam Scott won the Masters in dramatic fashion. Angel Cabrera hit what I consider the shot of the year with his approach on the final hole to about two feet. That shot resulted in a birdie to tie Adam Scott and force a playoff.
I reviewed the Cobra Amp Cell irons.
Ecco Golf came out with hybrid wingtip shoes. Some of the coolest crossover shoes ever.
Tiger Woods won THE PLAYERS (always write “The Players” in ALL CAPS, it is what they do). Sergio Garcia and Tiger Woods had a little tiff which the media went into a feeding frenzy over. Sergio eventually apologized for some not-so-nice comments.
HOG poll results told us that Delta Airlines is the worst airline for golf travel.
Good thing Adam Scott won the Masters when he did. The USGA and R&A announced the ban on anchored golf clubs, beginning January 1st, 2016. Bye bye belly.
Eric/Tom sent in some great fan mail, calling me an “asshole who sucks at golf and couldn’t break 100” all because of a golf bag I reviewed. Thanks Eric/Tom!
I fell down a volcano and suffered volcanic road rash. Thankfully my Nikon survived.
I played in the Salt Lake Amateur golf tournament. I was right in the mix through 27 holes until my back went out on the 10th tee. I finished, but the last nine was not pretty. Bugger. Kill me.
HOG readers voted Southwest Airlines as the best airline for golf travel by a landslide.
I reviewed a very cool book: An American Caddie in St. Andrews: Growing Up, Girls, and Looping on the Old Course.
Posted an article on golf CHEATERS. That’s what sandbaggers are.
Justin Rose won the U.S. Open in amazing fashion. That was one of the best ball striking displays I’ve ever seen.
On June 30, I boarded an airplane bound for St. Andrews, Scotland.