Top 13 Things I Won’t Miss at the PGA Merchandise Show

Written by: Tony Korologos | Monday, January 23rd, 2017
Categories: BoneheadsGolfPGA Merchandise Show
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For 10+ years I ponied up my own money for plane tickets from Utah to Orlando to attend the PGA Merchandise Show and report to HOG readers about the latest longest long long super long really awesome big long longest longer drivers. Along with those expenses were rental car fees, lodging, transportation, food and beverage, parking etc.  It added up to thousands by the time I was done with a week in Orlando.   While in Orlando something happens to my body. I’m allergic to something there.  It’s the swamp water or something.  I get massive headaches, my eyes turn as red as a ripe tomato and hurt like hell, and my digestive system shuts down literally for the entire time I’m there.  Needless to say that is, shall we say, uncomfortable.

So the last couple of years I’ve made the executive decision to pass on the PGA Show.  I was probably the first blogger to ever “live blog” from the show, and now there are dozens of blogs and websites doing that stuff.  They’ve got it covered.  I can stay home with my family, not have to take time off of my day job, and not have to fork money out of my own pocket that the blog advertising would never recoup.

I do miss going and seeing all my industry friends and I’m going to write a companion post to this one, logging the 10 things I miss most about not attending the PGA Merchandise Show.  But for now, here are the:

Top 13 Things I Won’t Miss at the PGA Merchandise Show

  1. Massive migraine headaches every day. Seriously! WTF is in the air/water in Orlando?
  2. Crap “show” food
  3. Bloodshot eyes that are hurt and look as red as ripe tomatoes. Seriously! WTF is in the air/water in Orlando?
  4. Puma’s “DJ” cranking out mind numbing, eardrum shattering, wrist-slitting, talent-less “music” that goes boom-tiss, boom-tiss, boom-tiss, boom-tiss, boom-tiss, boom-tiss, boom-tiss, boom-tiss, boom-tiss, boom-tiss, boom-tiss, boom-tiss, boom-tiss, boom-tiss, boom-tiss, boom-tiss, boom-tiss, boom-tiss, boom-tiss, boom-tiss, boom-tiss, boom-tiss…. for f*&king ever.  The poor FootJoy guys across the aisle will be deaf by the end of the show, if they don’t kill themselves first.
  5. Booth babes.  I have no respect for golf companies who hire local strippers “talent” to attract visitors to their booths. For example the photo below. I have no recollection of the product or company represented at this booth.
  6. Being subjected to the marketing nonsense of the longest long long super long really awesome big long longest longer drivers ever in the whole universe, longer than ever LONG!

    Did I mention how long it is?  Longest EVA!!!
  7. Foreigner in concert
  8. Drinking and eating too much.
  9. Golf club stands and other horrible golf inventions which will only serve to bankrupt the inventor and investors.
  10. Booths staffed by people who don’t speak english.  Why someone would pay $40,000 for a booth and then put reps in there who can’t communicate with customers or sell products is mind boggling.
  11. Speaking of spending $40,000 on a booth, I have to mention the “sleeping dude in the booth” thing.  As the show wears on, people will be nodding off in their booths.
  12. Educational conferences on how to “grow the game” which are full of buzz phrases and “feel good” ideas. Those ideas will be completely ineffective, just like last year’s ineffective ideas and the year before…
  13. Being constipated for a whole week after drinking and eating too much. Seriously! WTF is in the air/water in Orlando?

So there it is, more than you ever wanted to know about a golf blogger’s digestive system and the only place on the entire planet it fails in: Orlando.


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