This is without a doubt one of the best weeks of the year in golf. Yes it is apparel script season. You see, the golf PR and golf apparel companies have really gone to great lengths to promote their products, and “apparel scripts” are getting more and more elaborate. While I appreciate fine apparel, I don’t find myself having to have a certain pair of shoes because x-PGA Tour player wears them. Same with the WITB (what’s in the bag) posts. These apparel scripts have really flooded the golf media sphere. The PR agencies send them out and all the sites post them for what I figure are two reasons: 1. They want to continue to get swag and fear if they don’t post, the swag boat will sail. 2. They don’t have to actually create content. It’s all done for them.
I’ve made it a policy not to post apparel scripts. When I started this site over 10 years ago I vowed to try and be as original as possible, and not post the same content everyone else does.
Today I’m making an exception though. I feel I can add some value to these scripts, and a viewpoint (hopefully very twisted) not found elsewhere. So let’s get to it.
Tiger Woods and Rory McIlory
How about that video above? These people are serious about their apparel scripts. Below are Tiger’s and Rory’s scripts (click to enlarge):
What stands out to me most about the above scripts are that somehow Tiger and Rory will both be golfing in shirts which are missing the right sleeve. Heaven forbid there being any inclement weather as Rory’s outerwear layer is only the right half of his body. No left torso or left arm. Neither of these scripts has socks, which could be tough on those Augusta hills. Neither has underwear. That’s an issue.
Rickie Fowler Masters Apparel Script
Below is Rickie Fowler’s Masters apparel script from Puma (click to enlarge).
Fowler’s Masters apparel script has no socks or underwear
I guess the “missing right arm” thing is big this year because like Tiger and Rory, Rickie’s script (above) has no right arms at all. Also, no socks or underwear. I suggest some anti-chafe cream.
Jason Day Masters Scripting
Jason Day (my pick once again to win and lost money last year in Vegas) has probably the best apparel script, from adidas.
As far as I can tell Jason is not missing anything obvious. Strangely, all of his shirts do come with the right arm intact. Can’t see if he has socks or underwear on, but I’m going to give him the benefit of the doubt.
Louis Oosthuizen Apparel Script
I really like Louis Oosthuizen. He seems to always bring some serious game to Augusta. But he might have some problems this week because of issues with his apparel scripting.
While his outfits all do include right arms, I think Louis is going to be at a big disadvantage with no shoes, underwear, or socks. I don’t see a hat either. He might get sunstroke without a hat, if he hasn’t had to withdraw due to sore bare feet.
Tony Korologos Scripting
Last year I broke the mold on apparel scripting for the Masters, doing my own Paulina Gretzky poses:
2014 Masters Apparel Script – Golf PR Companies Take Note
I’m not sure I can top last year’s script, but I’m going to give it a shot. Stay tuned.
The major championships in golf are certainly the best time of year. Is it because of the green grass of Augusta and the amazing traditions at the Masters Tournament? Is it because of the intensity and difficulty of the U.S. Open? The wind and weather of the Open Championship?
No. It is the apparel scripts.
I’ve been waiting ALL winter, and running to my email box every day with anticipation of the first Masters apparel scripts. I’m thrilled to be reporting on Rickie Fowler’s apparel script, courtesy of Puma. Surprisingly Fowler is dumping the trademark “traffic cone” look and going for some more subdued schemes. Brilliant. Majestic. Tremendous. Just feast your eyes on this threadtastic apparel art:
Fowler’s Masters apparel script has no socks or underwear
I like how they put a driver in there too. Soooo cool.
But I can’t help noticing something. There are no socks or underwear in Rickie’s script. He’s free-balling it!
It could be a tough walk on those very hilly holes at Augusta National sans socks. And sans underwear? In those humid conditions of Augusta the chafe monster could be in play. I admire Rickie’s tenacity in free-balling the Masters, but I suggest keeping some DZNuts Pro Chamois cream in the bag, just in case.
I’ve suffered from severe back pain for most of my adult life. In my case a nerve pinches in my lower spine, then it is a week of stabbing pain which brings me to my knees. Hurts so bad I can’t even tie my own shoes. Back pain is no joke and I feel for Tiger Woods, who withdrew yesterday at Torrey Pines due to back pain related to his glutes not “activating.” That WD followed his worst score as a professional golfer last week, an 11-over 82 at the Waste Management Phoenix Open. Here’s his explanation:
It’s just my glutes are shutting off. Then they don’t activate and then, hence, it goes into my lower back. So, I tried to activate my glutes as best I could, in between, but it just they never stayed activated. ~Tiger Woods
This is a strange comment and has already been the “butt” of many jokes. I find it hard to resist the “glutile dysfunction” jokes myself. My wife is about ready to kill me.
The back problems come after Woods’s supposed successful surgery to fix his back last year. Remember he sat out at the Masters following the surgery?
The last 12 months have been horrid for Tiger:
Best finish: T25 at the WGC Cadillac, a limited field, no-cut event
T80 2014 Farmers (Torrey Pines)
T69 2014 Open Championship
Three missed cuts
Former world #1 Tiger has dropped to 56th, and he will continue to drop without a doubt. His eligibility for some events now becomes a question. He’s a lifer at Augusta so that’s no worry, but other events like World Golf Championships take the top 50.
I’m quite puzzled by Tiger the last couple of years. In every interview he tells the press and the fans that he feels great. He’s 100%. At the Waste Management Phoenix Open he told the press he was as healthy as he has been in years. Before Torrey he said he was hitting the ball as good as he was back in 2000, at the peak of his career. That period of time was possibly the best ball striking of any golfer, ever…in history… Ben Hogan included.
At the same Time he says he’s hitting it as good as ever, he can’t hit a fairway and his chipping is worse than mine. So what’s the deal? Is he what he calls a “Ranger Rick” now? Ranger Rick is the guy who kills it on the range but can’t bring that game to the course. Or is he trying to use the mind-over-matter theory to convince himself that he’s hitting it good? If that’s the case, the matter is not listening to the mind.
Perhaps his mind is still what it was, but his body doesn’t, or can’t listen anymore. In the early 2000’s he could will the ball into the hole. He could will his young body to do anything. But his body isn’t young anymore. He’s 39 his body isn’t. As USA Today’s Steve DiMeglio said:
“His birth certificate reveals he’s 39, but his body language makes it look like it’s going on 60.”
Another thing I find very puzzling is Tiger’s comments in just about every post-round interview when he’s struggling. Between his finishing hole and his courtesy car he’s already told the press what his issue is and how he’s going to fix it. If he knew it, why didn’t he fix it before? The issues and solutions are always these bizarre and overly-technical and overly-analytical things. Case in point yesterday with the glute activation comment. So is Tiger saying that he’s already got a solution? Just activate the glutes?
I really think it might be a case of analysis paralysis. Once again he’s trying to be in complete control, and use his mind to overcome whatever issues. It also may be a byproduct of having too many cooks in the kitchen from trainers to coaches to massage therapists to nutritionists to witch doctors, all producing a bunch of technical mumbo-jumbo, so they can get paid. Jack Nicklaus didn’t have any of that. He just played golf. I would have much rather heard this in the post round interview: