I’ve had a ban on the words “Michelle Wie” going for some time. I promised not to mention her name and provide more media hype for someone who hadn’t won so much as a game of tic-tac-toe yet. That ban is now lifted, following Wie’s Q-School top 20 finish which got her a 2009 LPGA Tour card.
Now Michelle has to take some new steps. She needs new management (which won’t happen). She needs to go to her English language classes at Stanford and learn now to form a sentence without the word “like” in it. Before she plays with the men, or mentions something ridiculous like saying she wants to play in the Ryder Cup or The Masters, she needs to win an LPGA tournament… like.
It is that time of year again. One of the most anticipated web events on this, or many other planets is upon us. The golden turkey trophy has been engraved. IT IS TIME.
4TH ANNUAL HOG TURKEY AWARDS
10. Michelle Wie fails to sign her scorecard at the State Farm Classic. She may have made enough dough to earn her LPGA Tour card had she not been DQ’d. DOH!
9. Michelle Wie attempts to play against the men, after saying she wouldn’t do it. Then she finishes in 118th place. Well done!
8. Ian Poulter WD’s from the Singapore Open because his driver was stolen.
7. The USGA fails in an attempt to jump on the blogwagon. Last update there January 2, 2008.
6. The LPGA loses sponsors and tournaments. They also try to institute and English only policy. DOH!
5. The FedEx Cup is once again not all that exciting. Vijay wins it with little fanfare. There’s a terrible loophole in which this year’s winner of the British & the PGA (Padraig Harrington) doesn’t get to play in the TOUR Championship. WTF? That ain’t right.
4. “Cut” and “money” confusion on the PGA Tour. Players could confusingly make money but not make the cut, though they get credit for making a cut, but they couldn’t play the weekend despite being credited for making the cut, which they make money in without making the cut which they got credit for like um yeah… Huh?
3. Kelly Tilghman gets a turkey leg for the now world famous “Tiger lynching” comments. She had to take two weeks off and apologize to the man. The politically correct crowd blows a gasket.
2. The entire field of the US OPEN has to share a turkey leg. None of them, as healthy as they were, could beat a man (Tiger Woods) who had a blown ACL and two fractures in his leg. WEAK!
And the winner is….
1. BIG JOHN DALY. JD wins the Turkey of the Year in a landslide for a blockbuster 2008. JD’s list of turkey like antics include:
~Saying he’s getting serious with his game.
~Blowing his new relationship with coach Butch Harmon.
~Having Tampa Bay Buccaneers coach Jon Gruden caddy for him after a 2.5 hour rain delay beer fest in the Hooters tent.
~Showing his incredible physique by doing a shirtless and shoeless interview on the course.
And last but not least…
~The now famous “jailed for passing out drunk at a Hooters” incident.
My apologies for those who may be looking at these images after Thanksgiving dinner…
The LPGA Tour has suffered yet another tough blow. Due to sponsorship losses, they’ve dropped three tournaments. Overall prize money for $2009 on the LPGA Tour has dropped by $5 million. Unfortunately for the LPGA this surely isn’t the last setback they’ll encounter in the near future.
Perhaps Annika is even smarter than I thought before for ejecting this year.
LPGA title sponsor ADT Security is not renewing its contract after this season. This marks the 5th title sponsor the LPGA has lost this year. ADT says they’re “investing in growth areas of their business more closely aligned with their customers.” Is that doubletalk for “we didn’t see a return on our investment from the Asian, lesbian and golf calendar girl crowd?”
Yawnnn… ZZZZZZZ. Oh, is this thing on?
As you may know, I’m golf blog boycotting a certain player who was formerly referred to as “the female Tiger Woods” (FTW). FTW seems to prefer getting her ass handed to her by the men of the PGA Tour rather than paying her dues on the LPGA.
Once again, I’ll mention her name and give her props when she wins something… anything… a game of tic-tac-toe perhaps.
Apparently everyone in her circle (except her very wise parents) were strongly recommending she not play this week. Her coach, her management firm and even her pet parakeet were against it.
FTW’s coach David Leadbetter
“There’s far too much negative energy surrounding Michelle right now. She’s getting slated by everyone. She is going to be like a pariah if she is not careful. This is the wrong decision.”
At least FTW clearly and concisely explained her position on playing against the men. Please read this paragraph a minimum of FIVE times. It gets better each time.
“I think a decision is a decision whether it’s a wrong decision or a right decision. It’s a decision that I made and, you know, I’m not going to pull out. I’m not going to second-think my decision. I’ve already made my decision to play here and I shot a pretty decent round today. I’m not going to think about what people are going to think about me and other things that I can’t control.”
Hooked On Phonics
Someone has obviously been working with FTW on her English. She didn’t say “like” in that entire paragraph! Perhaps I need decide to make a decision and think about what I’m going to think about to “second-think” my decided decision opinions on FTW…. like.
More on this subject by my pal Jay Flemma here.