I started blogging golf course reviews before most current day golf bloggers or golf journalists were off the first tee. Now golf course reviews are more common than sour kazoo notes at a Kenny G concert. More common than selfies on Paige Spirinac’s instagram. More common than unfixed ball marks on the local muni’s greens. More common than… I think you get it.
The problem with these reviews is they all sound/read the same now, stamped out of the same old same old mold and using the same worn out clichés. I’ll admit I’ve probably used some of these at some point so before you get on my case about it, I admit it. But I vow to not use any of these overused phrases again, and for Pete’s sake golf bloggers and writers you should do the same.
“Great track” has to be one of the worst and most overused golf clichés in history. I have to hold back my vomit every time I read or hear it. First off, a golf course is not a track. Tracks are where they race horses, dogs, cars etc. Perhaps saying “great tract” is better, as in “tract of land.” Resist the temptation to use this filler. It’s barely worthy of putting on the bottom of a bird cage.
Oh. My. God. If I hear this phrase one more time I might have to wrap my 4-iron around someone’s neck. Hidden gem? Really? How original. For fun, let’s Google the phrase and see how many results we get… 1,770,000 results. Stop it. Please. Too bad they hid the course. Imagine how successful it would be if people could find it!
What the hell is it with gems and jewels anyway? Crown jewel? So this course is the same as regalia and vestments worn by kings and queens at their coronations? Got it.
Straight out of the cookie cutter. Try something more creative, like, I don’t know… anything.
I’m trying to think of a phrase more vague than “great layout.” Hmm. Nope. Can’t think of one. Stop writing it. Stop saying it. What makes it great? Let’s start with that and see where we go.
Coooookie cutter!!! Gag me.
What exactly is this supposed to mean, “championship course?” What championship? Any course can hold a championship. The muni down the street with the broken down car on the 7th fairway could. Golf courses and golf PR and advertising companies are just as guilty of using this one as writers and bloggers.
It’s Right There In Front Of You
WTF is that supposed to mean? It’s right there in front of me? What if I play it facing backwards? Is it still right there in front of me or would it be right there behind me then? What if I play the course facing at a 90 degree angle to either side? Would it be “right there beside me?”
I think my head is going to explode. This one gives “great layout” a run for it’s vague money.
“The course is a fair test.” How many times have you heard that one? What makes it fair? Who judges what is fair and what is unfair. Do I have a vote? Can a course be a fair test for one golfer but unfair for another? Is there such a thing as an “unfair test?” I think I’d rather play a course that presents and unfair test than a fair test. It would probably be more interesting.
You know what would be better and more informative in course reviews? A must not play! “You must not play this course. It is terrible and their range balls suck!”
ALL TOGETHER NOW – Can I get them all into one run-on sentence?
“A hidden gem, this renowned championship course is a great track and classic layout which is a fair test that’s right there in front of you, a must-play crown jewel topped off by its signature hole.”
I did it! I should just make that be my whole review for all my golf course articles from this point on! BOOM! #WINNING #thisonegoestoeleven