"I have no confidence. Now ask me that same question 10 more times please."
The brainiacs in the golf media are at it again, asking dumb questions to Tiger Woods. There’s a lot of talk about Tiger intimidating players on the course, but are the media so intimidated that they can’t think of good questions? Time for the 2011 Masters Friday edition of Stupid Press Questions.
Scribe: “Tiger when you play as well as that, do you feel that there’s enough in the tank to do it again over the next 36 holes?”
Tiger answered nicely, but it is a dumb question.
My answer: “No. I don’t feel like I have enough in the tank to play well the rest of the week. I’m out of shape. I haven’t prepared well enough. My mind is wandering because you know, it is a major and I’m just plain thinking about other things, like painting the garage. I really don’t see myself playing well over the weekend in the Masters. I’m going to just try to keep it under 90 the next two days.”
The press questions like “are you confident?” and “can you do it?” are the dumbest questions ever. I can’t wait for someone to answer no. “No I’m not confident….”
Scribe: “Tiger, would you consider this (a 66 in the Masters, a major championship) one of your best rounds of the year?”
Oh my. What answer does this genius expect?
My answer: “No. Shooting my 2nd lowest round EVER in the Masters isn’t one of my best rounds of the year. Shooting a 66 in a MAJOR when my only round lower this round wasn’t in a major… na, I wouldn’t ‘call it one of my best. I think I’d rate this one just behind my final round 75 at the Farmer’s Insurance Open.”
How about this next one. This one makes me wonder how these bozos even get a press credential.
Scribe to Tiger: “How confident are you that you’ll be able to duplicate today’s success on Saturday and Sunday.”
Painfully stupid question. Once again, for the millionth time, what answer do you expect? A no?
My answer: “I have no confidence in my game, my fitness, my preparation… anything. I completely lack confidence. In fact, now that you ask this question, I may withdraw from the tournament. I just don’t think I have the confidence to continue at all.”
Ok, we are six minutes into the Tiger interview from Friday, and Tiger has been asked 4-5 times already if he’s confident going into the weekend. So what is the best question for the next bonehead press guy? How about a confidence question?
Scribe: “Tiger how much confidence do you have compared to earlier in the year?”
OMG I’m going to barf. Once again, what answer do you expect from Tiger?
My answer: “You guys have asked me how confident I am at least five times in the six minutes I’ve been here. You can obviously see with your golf media scribe x-ray vision that I have no confidence, and that my 66 today was just smoke and mirrors. You have busted me. I’m a farce. You are right. I have no confidence at all. Not only do I plan to withdraw after this interview, I think I’ll just quit golf entirely and take up bowling.”
This next one is great. Tiger answered this one the exact way I would have!
Scribe to Tiger (paraphrasing): “Over the next 36 holes do you think he (Rory McIlroy) has any idea what he’s in for?”
Tiger’s and MY answer: “I don’t know did you ask him that?”
Scribe: “Not exactly.”
Tiger: “Oh okay.”
Nicely done TW. You have HOG approval on that answer. The Masters is only half way done. You can be sure there will be at least 1-2 more editions of Stupid Press Questions. Stay tuned.
Happy Birthday Seve Ballesteros