I just stopped laughing, barely. When did I start? Monday. My pal Jay Flemma forwarded me an email response he had to a, shall we say, “over the top” golf press release. If you want to laugh now and skip my personal rant, just jump to the quoted text below.
Tis better NOT to send out a press release, than it is to send out a bad one
“Bad golf press releases” is a subject I know all too much about. I get about 20-30 press releases PER DAY. You wouldn’t believe how bad many of them are. From grammatical errors to just plain stupidity, it amazes me the lack of quality of these things. Do people actually proof read these before they spam the hell out of golf cyberspace? People forget to do the simplest things, like use a freakin’ spell checker or check their web links. Just the other day I tried to click on a link in a press release, but the URL was formatted like this: http://wwwgolfsitecom. Yeah, that’ll get them to your web site.
Folks, if you send out press releases and they’re full of dumb quotes, over the top hype or just plain bad grammar, you’re doing more harm than good. I instantly ignore and delete bad press releases. And one other thing… I get press releases from some golf fitness company EVERY FREAKING DAY. DELETE! A press release is supposed to give us new and useful information isn’t it? Repeating the same spammy garbage on a daily basis isn’t going to get you any new clients.
And now for your reading pleasure, the Pièce de résistance as forwarded from my pal Jay. First here is the original press release:
Dear Jay –
Please find below some information surrounding ruletwentyone’s green technology – bamboo charcoal. We would love to be considered for any upcoming product reviews or gift guides. Feel free to contact me for additional information, samples or photography.
RULETWENTYONE PlAYS IT GREEN and CLEAN with BACK POCKET TOWEL
r21 Brings Clean Shots and a Cleaner Environment to Golfers with Bamboo Technology
(SALT LAKE CITY) – As golf evolves into a more eco-conscious industry via courses and apparel, rulegolf is bringing ‘green’ to the world of golf tools and accessories. The company’s ruletwentyone back-pocket towel is created with a sustainable bamboo material, and serves as a catalyst for consumers to send the message that it can be easy to “green” the game of golf.
The new back-pocket golf towel and ball cleaner fuses an absorbent bamboo terry layer with a waterproof shell folded to conveniently fit into a golfer’s back pocket. The bamboo terry stays wet for an entire round, hosting a clean ball for clean rolls – all day long. Bamboo’s key features bring exceptional performance qualities to ruletwentyone. In additional to being anti-microbial, bamboo is anti-fungal, anti-static, and de-odorizing.
Often referred to as the world’s most sustainable resource, bamboo possesses natural qualities that contribute to its reputation as a leader in eco products:
-Bamboo grows rapidly and naturally without any pesticides, herbicides or fertilizers. Growing bamboo improves soil quality and helps rebuild eroded soil.
-Bamboo plantations are large factories for photosynthesis, which reduces greenhouse gases. The plants absorb five times the amount of carbon dioxide and produce 35% more oxygen than an equivalent stand of trees.
-Bamboo is a natural water control barrier, greatly reducing rain run off and reducing water pollution.
-Bamboo can restore degraded lands by being grown in soil damaged by overgrazing and poor agriculture. It feeds topsoil, restoring healthy agricultural lands for generations to come.
Ruletwentyone’s charcoal technology brings inherent benefits that may contribute to a golfer’s game:
-Bamboo Charcoal soothes the nerves – the infrared production promotes human body blood circulation and active brain cells.
-Bamboo Charcoal provides an “anion effect” – relaxing nerves, purifying the air and curing headaches and insomnia.
“As golfers report that ruletwentyone ‘focuses them over their shots and putts,’ we know that this benefit is a function of its intuitive design and simple operation,” says Joe Borgenicht, CEO of rulegolf. “We are now also instilled with a level of confidence in knowing that the bamboo qualities contribute to improving your mental game as well,” he adds.
Borgenicht also explains that in the game of golf, the natural elements truly come into play – the weather, the turf, the position of the sun and more. “The time has come for us to sustain our tracks and our game in a more responsible manner, and rulegolf is doing everything in its power to create the most eco- and socially-conscious innovations to serve the purpose and the game,” he says.
With many ruletwentyone towels being given away as tee prizes, Borgenicht sees fields of golfers with R21s tucked stylishly from their pockets. “ruletwentyone is so many things: it’s hip, cool, functional, innovative, eco-friendly and now serves as an icon of environmental awareness and responsibility,” he says. In addition to being all of these things, the towel has another level of social consciousness, as it is Made in the U.S.A. and affordable – with a price point of $10.
As for the future of rulegolf, Borgenicht’s vision is to build a company that lessens the environmental impact for the golf industry. He says that this will be achieved via clean production processes and by supporting future partners who develop and sustain more eco-friendly golf courses.
To learn more about ruletwentyone, visit: rulegolf.com or call 866-584-7762.
And here is Jay’s abosfreakinglutely BRILLIANT response:
Hey Amy, can someone make an anti-microbial, anti-fungal, non-stick, deodorizer for your godawful press releases? Seriously, I don’t know which is more laughable:
“sustainable bamboo material serves as a catalyst for consumers to send the message that it can be easy to “green” the game of golf”
By the way, I didn’t know the word “green” was a verb… or maybe it’s this one…
“Ruletwentyone’s charcoal technology brings inherent benefits that may contribute to a golfer’s game. Bamboo Charcoal soothes the nerves – the infrared production promotes human body blood circulation and active brain cells”
So should we smoke the towel or inhale it to get maximum effects? Is that what you did to write these press releases? I’m not sure it’s working, you may need to activate a few more brain cells if you think golfers will actually buy this funky jazz…
“Bamboo Charcoal provides an “anion effect” – relaxing nerves, purifying the air and curing headaches and insomnia.”
Is that before or after it shaves five strokes off your handicap? Turns water to wine? Finds my lost car keys? Forget that missed chip, somewhere there’s a golfer not sleepwalking through his round!
Don’t go changing, sister! You are too funny the way you are!
Speaking of too much Flash in web sites, I made it through 5.74 seconds of Ian Poulter's site before I bailed