Facebook hits 250,000,000 members, Janet’s kids farts smell like french dip sandwiches, and I joined the “water” fan club.

Written by: Tony Korologos | Wednesday, July 15th, 2009
Categories: Miscellaneous

Big news! Facebook has reached a quarter billion members! Read this news article for details.

What they fail to mention are other milestones and resources of facebook.

Stupid facebook applications

Facebook now has 230 gabillion stupid ass applications to waste yours and your friends’ lives away, like figuring out what flavor of pizza you are, or if you were a flower what kind you’d be. How about having your friends fill out a poll to see what sit com comedian you’re most like? That’s a good one. I’m sure it would tell me I’m most like George Lopez and my music-a-like would be Kenny G. I had so much fun wasting my life away rating the different hair styles of Sarah Palin. Good times.

The all time best facebook applications have to be the “herpes wave,” “which serial killer am I?” and of course the popular “did we have sex?” one. Now you can pass on virtual herpes to your lovers with a simple mouse click.

Worthless fan pages

Facebook also now has reached 764 bagillion worthless fan pages. Join the rage and become a fan of all sorts of stupid things: Water, sunshine, summer, air, chocolate chip cookies, yelling at inanimate objects, lame bands, bad golf web sites. It is all there. I just joined the “water” fan club!

To prove a point I started a page for the clipping of my pinkie fingernail, which now has a fan club and tour dates booked.

Virtual causes

Oh how about joining a virtual cause to save the planet so you can feel good about yourself? Forget actually doing something. Joining a virtual cause is good enough isn’t it? You can impress all your stupid facebook friends by showing them you joined a virtual cause which does nothing. Forget the fact that you’re making facebook and its subsequent impact on the environment and carbon emissions even worse… Gag me.

Janet’s kids’ farts

Perhaps the most beautiful part of facebook is keeping track of old high school classmates I haven’t seen in 25 years. I just love the fact that “Janet” shared with a 384 of her closest friends that her son’s farts “smell like french dip sandwiches.” Lovely.

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