Anyone who has read my golf posts for more than a few weeks at a time knows I suffer from back problems. I have scoliosis, a birth defect where the spine is curved or angled. My case of scoliosis is on the minor side according to doctors, but when I tweak my back the pain isn’t minor. It can be completely debilitating. I’ve had sharp pains so bad that I can’t get out of a chair or push on the brake of my car, put my socks on… The sharp muscle spasms when my back is thrown out is best described “like having someone jab an ice pick in my spine.” One time, possibly the worst time, I remember hitting the ground in a parking lot in a snow storm. I was laying by my car in the snow and I could not move. I was alone. I had to crawl to my office and even reaching up to unlock the office door was unbearable.
When my back goes out all of the muscles around my spine spasm. They’re tighter than a marching band snare drum. The spasms are like clockwork. They happen for exactly one week. On the 7th day the muscles finally give out due to fatigue. At least that’s my theory. When they finally release I feel like dancing around singing The Sound Of Music. But there are still a few days of pain and stiffness to go before I’m fully recovered. When I tweak it really bad, like two times ago, it can be as long as 14 days in excruciating pain. I’m literally laying on the floor for days, unable to move. The last time I threw it out, I had to miss a golf tournament I’d been waiting three years to play in, on my home course.
Treatments which haven’t helped
What have I tried for my bad back? Pain pills, muscle relaxers, pills which block nervous system transmissions, stretching, hot baths, icing, deep tissue massage, electric shock of the muscles, chiropractors, acupuncture, miracle balls and even heavy alcohol. None of those things worked, in fact the massages and chiropractic treatments only seemed to exacerbate the spasms and pain, extending the misery. The pain pills and alcohol may make you not care that you are in pain, but the pain remains.
Teeter Hangups Inversion Table
One day my friends at Teeter Inversion contacted me. They’d read about my back pain and wanted me to try one of their inversion tables to see if it would help. I put the inversion table next on my list, in front of witch doctors and being blessed by a Shaman princess.
I made the mistake of going to the TaylorMade web site again, which nearly made me barf. I go there a two times a year. It takes me 6 months to forget the last time I guess.
I was there no more that 12 seconds before I just closed the window and left. The flash stuff is so irritating, nauseating, clunky, counter intuitive, time wasting, bandwidth eating… I just want to find some info on their damn drivers and read about it, not see metallic looking contraptions spin around, morph into different shapes and hear cheesy sound effects. I clicked through the locker room, club house, out house and cat house. I clicked “skip” as many times as I could. I got lost in the animations and sound effects then felt close to losing my nachos. I thought I was watching another transformers movie. I had to bail.
I’m going to be fine, really
Sorry about that TaylorMade web site rant. I’ll take a breath. I’m OK. I’ll be fine.
The point I meant to talk about was “speed.” While watching today’s final of the Accenture Match Play Championship, TaylorMade mentioned “speed” in a TV ad for the new drivers a few minutes ago. A couple of ads later a Callaway spot says “inspired by speed.” Cobra talks speed too.
Boy the web will be full of opinions. Mine will be coming later. I’m going to watch the apology speech a few times.
This is entertaining to say the least. Tiger’s speech tomorrow is so tightly secured and controlled that the Golf Writers Association of America, a group of 950, has decided to boycott it. Only three pool writers will be allowed near Tiger during the speech and they had to agree NOT to ask questions.
G.W.A.A. president Vartan Kupelian: “To limit the ability of journalists to attend, listen, see and question Woods goes against the grain of everything we believe.”
The fallout from the speech is going to be huge. Just imagine how many opinions, dissections, questions and critiques there will be following the speech. No way I’ll be able to keep my comments to myself so stay tuned here for my incredibly insightful and valuable take on Tiger’s apology.