It is time for the 5th annual HOG Turkey Awards. This is a time when I reflect back on the golf year and make a short list of some of the biggest turkeys, or what I like to call “boneheads” in golf. First let’s take a look back at the last four year’s turkey award winners to get a flavor. The winners are listed below. Click on them to see the entire turkey list of that year.
And now, without further ado, the 2009 HOG Turkey Award winners are below, in no particular order except for the winner which is posted LAST. I went a little crazy this year. I posted a bunch of turkeys rather than just the top 10. I couldn’t resist.
Rule Twenty One golf pocket towels are shaped like neckties and hang from your pocket. Rather than giving this thing a poor review I decided to just not do one. Their press releases are so “over the top tree hugger green” it is nauseating (link to a .doc press release). They’re obviously trying to jump onto the “green” wave. According to their press releases, this golf towel increases the player’s concentration level, increases blood circulation, cures headaches, cures insomnia, restores agricultural lands, reduces rain runoff. All this from a golf towel? Wow. Not only that, this golf towel repairs the ozone hole, feeds hungry children, cures cancer, brings peace to the Middle East, solves the USA’s economic problems, cures AIDS, turns water into wine and does stuff that would make even Jesus himself say “how’d you do that?” Soon this golf towel will replace all the light bulbs in all the homes on the planet, saving the entire earth from running out of energy too. I heard Al Gore uses this golf towel, so they have that going for them. Somebody please stop me any time.
Related to the last post, we might as well mention TGC. TGC doesn’t stand for “The Golf Channel.” It stands for “Tiger is God Channel” or “Tiger Golf Channel.”
Awful golf announcing in general should have a Turkey Award. There’s a lot of it going around.
A few notable names who didn’t crack the top 125 on the PGA Tour: David Duval (sorry “Do Val,” 130), Chris DiMarco (135), Stuart Appleby (137), Brad Faxon (221), Jesper Parnevik (219), John Daly (215).
Speaking of John Daly… Can’t have a Turkey Award without mentioning big John. He gets an award for being suspended for most of the year.
Kenny Perry chomps on a turkey leg for not sealing the deal at the Masters. Then later he fires his caddy before the end of the season run. Happy Holidays.
Ernie Els gets a turkey for playing far below his potential.
Sergio Garcia for his whining about the Masters conditions after playing poorly. Yes the terrible conditions at Augusta National were to blame for his poor play. I hate playing that course. It is such a dog track that I never score well there.
Stupid drunk golf fans who yell “you’re the man” or “get in the hole” after every shot. SHUT THE HELL UP YOU MORONS!
Someone (the economy, management, banks) should get a turkey for Nickent going out of business.
Tom Watson for failing to make par on the 18th at the British Open and failing to seal one of the most incredible feats in sports history. Man I wanted to see that happen! Damn! Still amazing what he did though. I don’t want to take away from what he accomplished by any means.
Annika Sorenstam for marrying someone other than me and having his child. 🙁
Nike ad tout’s themselves as #1 driver yet their promo pictures shot Tiger Woods with a Titleist putter in his hands.
On February 18th Steve Williams says Tiger Woods’ return is a “few weeks away.” Tiger returns seven days after that.
I score a nine on the 17th at TPC Sawgrass, becoming the first person to put the 2009 model ProV1 in the water there…. twice.
Whoever passed gas on the 18th hole at the Buick, whether it was Tiger, Stevie or David Feherty. Oh and how about YouTube for taking my video of that event down after only one hour of being up. In that hour that video was viewed 20,000 times.
Runner up for the 2009 Turkey Awards is the PGA Tour for banning a complete no-name, unknown player for using performance enhancing drugs. Way to step out on a limb and make a stand! Bravo!
And the #1 Turkey Award Winner for 2009… drum roll please…..
I’m a big Tiger fan so don’t get me wrong. But Tiger displayed very poor sportsmanship throughout the year with his temper tantrums, club throwing on numerous occasions, cussing and bag kicking. His behavior at the British was very disappointing. Many videos surfaced over the season of Tiger throwing clubs. I wish Bobby Jones could have a talk with Tiger about club throwing. He threw a club once and never did it again.
There’s a special foursome which used to play ALL the time. I’m talking a minimum of 2x per week and more on holiday weeks. That foursome’s highest handicap is a 4. We have millions of bets and tons of fun pitting our different strengths against each other. Two of the guys are not long hitters but have the most deadly short games ever. One guy is a bomber who can reach par-5’s in two almost all the time, but his putting can be hot and cold. The other guy is me. Not long enough to be considered a bomber (10-20 yards behind the bomber guy), but longer than the short knockers by 15-25 yards. My putting is my most deadly weapon.
This foursome has not played as a group since 2008. We’ve all played with one or two of the other guys this season, but this group is finally back together tomorrow.
The high will be 48 (just checked again and now they’re saying 50), which is good considering that there’s been snow on the ground and the highs have been in the in the mid 30’s the last week or so. In checking, the temp will be 39 when we tee off. No blading 3-irons!
You can tell how excited I am by how much I prepared tonight
Thanksgiving dinner is over and the calories are not keeping me from the getting ready for tomorrow’s round:
First I had to find my replacement head for my Frogger Brush Pro club cleaner. New bristles in the brush enabled me to finely do the next item on this list.
Cleaned the clubs. Not just wiped them, but scrubbed and dug out all the grooves. They’re shiny and spotless. They look beautiful. The grooves are ready to impart the exact spin I want them to tomorrow.
Marked plenty of balls. Placed 12 skulls via my GolfDotz on a dozen balls. I did 3 ZStar-X’s and 9 of the new Bridgestone e6 “Straight” (not out yet to my knowledge). I’ll probably only use one ball tomorrow. Maybe two.
Swapped out my old worn out spikes for new “adjustable” Softspikes (review coming soon, after I test them out). I had to use needle nosed pliers to get the old spikes out. It nearly took me 20 minutes to get the old ones out and I damn near broke my wrist. Now the shoes are fully rocking with new spikes. They’re ready to give me stability in my swing.
I have a pal who I listen to and value his advice greatly. He’s my best friend. If he told me to jump off a cliff, I’d ask which one. If he told me to switch from ProV1’s to Top Flites I’d ask if he wanted me to play the XL’s or the Gamers. Once he told me to start a blog back in 2004. 2500+ posts and tens of thousands of man hours later, here my blog sits. I guess I do have him to thank for a tripping over golf gadgets every morning when I walk through my kitchen to make a cup o’ joe.
TWIT or Twitter?
I’m not a Twitter fan. I think Twitter is gay heterosexually challenged. I don’t think it is a coincidence that the first four letters of “Twitter” are “TWIT.” Those little birds and the little frilly, girly designs make me want to throw up in my mouth. To me Twitter seems like the Britney Spears of the web, hot one day and old trash the next. It really seems like 97% of the people on there are just trying to generate traffic to their own web sites. It all seems like a collection of 140 character spams. If it isn’t spam, it is what somebody ate for lunch, or the fact that some lady’s kids farts smell like roast beef. If I had severe ADD I’d probably love it.
That being said I’ll give it a shot
My pal is smart (I trained him well) so I’m taking his suggestions and implementing them. I’ll probably have a couple of Twitter accounts, one for my golf web sites and one for personal so I can filter what I want.
For now I’ve got my recent “Tweets” (oh God I just threw up in my mouth) in the right column… Testing 1 2 3 4…