Golfinator Four: Judgement Swing
I have a friend named Brian who I’ve played dozens of rounds of golf with. A couple of weeks ago I ran into Brian in the pro shop and saw a bizarre contraption on his arm. No it wasn’t the next version of the swing jacket. No he wasn’t auditioning for Terminator 4. It was a medical device.
Brian is a sculptor. He was sculpting a very large project, about a 10 foot tall block of marble. While cutting the marble, the motorized rock cutter slipped and went right into his forearm. The blade cut right through all of his muscle and tendons/ligaments to about half way through the bone. His fingers immediately curled under because the ligaments on the underside didn’t have any resistance.
Brian nearly bled to death.
Man did I have a smokin’ round today. I mean, I was damn near on fire. I was kicking the rear end of my pal, the head pro and director of golf. On #16 approach I saw some smoke coming from #17. If you recall this post, TWO golf carts plunged into the river on #17 and were pulled out by tractors yesterday.
My friend and golf pro had to leave me hanging and save his course and his bacon. He had to go deal with the fire which was left of #17 fairway. We could see the flames clear from 16 fairway, a good 350 yards away. It was lucky my buddy left. I knocked my approach to three feet and drained my birdie putt!
Smoke and fire left of #17 fairway.
“Can you fire engines please hold it down? We’re teeing off!”
There’s no way a fire in that area started by itself. There must have been some kids playing with matches in there.
I’m very sad today. My all time favorite comedian George Carlin died today at age 71. No comedian has come close to making me laugh as much as Carlin. George’s highly intelligent humor and direct way of pointing out how stupid people can be was unrivaled.
Is George up there floating in the clouds?
One of my favorite Carlin routines was his bit on heaven and God, and how if you believe that tale, the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus aren’t far behind. Now that he’s passed from this world, George may now be finding out whether his assessment of God and heaven was right. Is George up there floating in the clouds now?
I’ll be watching a few of my George Carlin DVDs tonight and having glass of wine in his honor. Here’s to you George.
There were some “issues” today on the 17th hole at my home course. It seems that two boneheads were racing their carts down the windy path off of 17 tee. That path goes on a bridge over a small river.
Both boneheads lost control of the carts and both ended up in the river. It was too late in the day to get a tractor to pull them out so they’ll be getting them out tomorrow. The only problem is that one of the carts started to drift and was a good 50 yards downstream.
Identity theft is one of the largest crimes of our time. Honestly, if someone wants to steal my identity just tell me. You don’t need to steal it. You can have it. If you put it on eBay, I get half of the $.72 you get for it.
Apparently PGA Tour pros aren’t immune to identity theft. Allegedly, a crook in Texas stole Justin Leonard’s identity. He opened credit card accounts and even had a cell phone in Leonard’s name.
The crook who stole Leonard’s identity wasn’t too smart apparently. He used his phony identity in the post office near where Leonard lives, exposing himself to people who recognized that he wasn’t Justin.
Why not go for the big fish?
If you’re going to steal a PGA Tour pro’s identity, why not just go for Tiger Woods’?
Imagine the limits (or lack thereof) for the credit cards you could get with an income of $130,000,000+ per year!