Struggled today. Then I realized I ate this on the 1st tee.
For 10+ years I ponied up my own money for plane tickets from Utah to Orlando to attend the PGA Merchandise Show and report to HOG readers about the latest longest long long super long really awesome big long longest longer drivers. Along with those expenses were rental car fees, lodging, transportation, food and beverage, parking etc. It added up to thousands by the time I was done with a week in Orlando. While in Orlando something happens to my body. I’m allergic to something there. It’s the swamp water or something. I get massive headaches, my eyes turn as red as a ripe tomato and hurt like hell, and my digestive system shuts down literally for the entire time I’m there. Needless to say that is, shall we say, uncomfortable.
So the last couple of years I’ve made the executive decision to pass on the PGA Show. I was probably the first blogger to ever “live blog” from the show, and now there are dozens of blogs and websites doing that stuff. They’ve got it covered. I can stay home with my family, not have to take time off of my day job, and not have to fork money out of my own pocket that the blog advertising would never recoup.
I do miss going and seeing all my industry friends and I’m going to write a companion post to this one, logging the 10 things I miss most about not attending the PGA Merchandise Show. But for now, here are the:
Top 13 Things I Won’t Miss at the PGA Merchandise Show
- Massive migraine headaches every day. Seriously! WTF is in the air/water in Orlando?
- Crap “show” food
- Bloodshot eyes that are hurt and look as red as ripe tomatoes. Seriously! WTF is in the air/water in Orlando?
- Puma’s “DJ” cranking out mind numbing, eardrum shattering, wrist-slitting, talent-less “music” that goes boom-tiss, boom-tiss, boom-tiss, boom-tiss, boom-tiss, boom-tiss, boom-tiss, boom-tiss, boom-tiss, boom-tiss, boom-tiss, boom-tiss, boom-tiss, boom-tiss, boom-tiss, boom-tiss, boom-tiss, boom-tiss, boom-tiss, boom-tiss, boom-tiss, boom-tiss…. for f*&king ever. The poor FootJoy guys across the aisle will be deaf by the end of the show, if they don’t kill themselves first.
- Booth babes. I have no respect for golf companies who hire local
strippers “talent” to attract visitors to their booths. For example the photo below. I have no recollection of the product or company represented at this booth.
- Being subjected to the marketing nonsense of the longest long long super long really awesome big long longest longer drivers ever in the whole universe, longer than ever LONG!
Did I mention how long it is? Longest EVA!!!
- Foreigner in concert
- Drinking and eating too much.
- Golf club stands and other horrible golf inventions which will only serve to bankrupt the inventor and investors.
- Booths staffed by people who don’t speak english. Why someone would pay $40,000 for a booth and then put reps in there who can’t communicate with customers or sell products is mind boggling.
- Speaking of spending $40,000 on a booth, I have to mention the “sleeping dude in the booth” thing. As the show wears on, people will be nodding off in their booths.
- Educational conferences on how to “grow the game” which are full of buzz phrases and “feel good” ideas. Those ideas will be completely ineffective, just like last year’s ineffective ideas and the year before…
- Being constipated for a whole week after drinking and eating too much. Seriously! WTF is in the air/water in Orlando?
So there it is, more than you ever wanted to know about a golf blogger’s digestive system and the only place on the entire planet it fails in: Orlando.
Last night I was on Twitter for a minute. My time on social networks has dropped of late, which has been quite nice. Harry Arnett (SVP, Marketing & Brand Management at Callaway and Odyssey Golf) was arguing with someone from “My Golf Spy.” The back and forth between these two has become quite childish and tiresome really. The discussion went from Arnett saying MGS’s latest bragging (nooo, MGS brags? Never!) of unique visitors was a made up spreadsheet, and MGS hitting back with driver sales smack or some such nonsense. As I was falling asleep I was thinking of golf marketing, MGS, Arnett and how the sales numbers smack was supposed to hit Harry in the nuts, so to speak. At that point I realized just how little I care about golf marketing and how little, if at all, it has a bearing on what I will purchase. As the last sheep jumped over the fence the idea for today’s post hit me, top 10 reasons which have no bearing on me buying a driver.
Drumroll please…. The envelope.
#10 – It’s the “latest” model
With the insane product release cycles from TaylorMade and Callaway, your shiny new driver will be obsolete by the time you get to the top of your first backswing. I don’t care if a driver is the latest model, last year’s model, or five years old. Because it is new doesn’t mean it is better. Plus, I thought last years model, when it was the newest model, was the best driver eva! Now it’s chopped liver.
#9 – It’s on Golf Digest’s or Golf Magazine’s hot list, or whichever soon to be out of business golf magazine’s hot list I never read
Maybe I’m weird, but I have never read any golf magazine’s hot list. Seriously. Year after year these hot lists come out and year after year golf companies use being on them for part of their marketing. It’s all noise to me. “Ooooh did you see the hot list?” Um, no. Let me guess, all 4-5 major companies’ drivers were on it for the 20th year in a row.
#8 – It has some weird hole in it with a window you can open up and put chewing gum inside
The driver has some nutty feature like a weird window in it which you can open up and put stuff inside. Great.
The New KINGPXGM1-MEGA Driver
This is supposed to make me deliver the club perfectly at impact. Got it. Pass thanks.
#7 – It’s the longest long double-long, longer, guaranteed, long LONG LOOOONG!
Did I mention this driver is the longest, ever? That’s quite a feat considering last year’s model was the longest long long, longer, long LONG LONG, distance, huge longer, massive, long. What’s even more amazing is that last year’s long one is even longer than the super long massive long long LONG model from the year before that. …and so on.
#6 – It has ‘x’ number of adjustments
Cool, this driver has 987,562 different ways it can be configured! I’ve played many adjustable drivers. I like the concept. But once I adjust it that’s it. I never change it again. Nice to have adjustments, but I can easily adjust my own swing to a driver which has no adjustments but is setup properly.
#5 – It’s the #1 selling driver
Because a driver is the #1 selling driver doesn’t mean it is the best for me. It means company ‘x’ has the biggest marketing budget.
#4 – It’s the #1 driver on Tour
Because a particular golf company has a large enough budget to endorse more Tour players than any other golf company doesn’t mean their driver is the best for me.
#3 – Kenny G plays it
The #1 kazoo player in the world plays this driver and so should you. Seriously. Kenny G or George Lopez or some “star” playing a driver will never be a reason for me to. In fact, I’ll probably avoid playing any gear Kenny G uses to prevent “kazoo by association syndrome.”
#2 – PGA Tour player ‘so and so’ plays it
I do not have the same swing as Bubba Watson, Rory McIlory, Tiger Woods, Jason Day, or any other tour player. Because Bubba or whoever is the longest driver in the world with a particular model doesn’t mean I’ll hit it longer.
#1 – My Golf Spy says to
Last but not least, no My Golf Spy driver contest has or will ever have any bearing on whether or not I will purchase a driver. Maybe I’m missing something, but the only thing I notice in their marketing of these “unbiased tests” (LOL) is the whining and sniveling that Titleist or some other company “declined to participate.” It’s like they’re trying to shame or embarrass that company into sending them clubs. I’ve decided to have a “best bank” contest. Whichever bank doesn’t send me cash “declined to participate” and will be shamed online. Power to the bank customer!
Best reason to buy a driver?
Right before I went to sleep I hit the Instagram button on my phone by accident. Then it hit me. There she was, LPGA star Belen Mozo. Whatever driver she plays is the one for me.
Taking a bite out of blogging…
I’ve found myself in a bit of a golfunk following my 2016 Scotland trip. While I have played a couple of nice rounds of golf in which I had an enjoyable time, 80% of them have felt more like money-consuming time killers. That’s spilled over into my blog posts as well. I’ve tested some high tech golf apps and devices, which all failed on me. That killed the mojo even more. So I’ve got to challenge myself to produce some content, but what? Pro golf? More Scotland stuff? I could do that 24/7.
There have been many interesting events in the golf equipment world, and in pro golf. Tiger Woods announced that he’s going to play some events in calendar year 2016, though they’re technically on the 2017 schedule. I honestly thought we may have seen the last of Tiger on the PGA Tour. I’m sure it will be a media feeding frenzy when he plays, and as usual HOG’s traffic will blow up. Beyond that, I’m not expecting much from him.
What clubs and balls will Tiger be playing? Rory McIlory, Tony Finau and a few others also? Nike isn’t going to make balls or clubs anymore. Jason Day has signed with Nike on an apparel deal for $10 million a year, I hear. He’s still going to be playing TaylorMade clubs though. So which company gets the hat? The bag? Weird to see a Nike swoosh on a shirt and see a TaylorMade hat…
The Tour Championship is coming up, or is going on, or is it over? Haha. I don’t really know because I’ve just about lost all interest in following professional golf. I’d rather play golf than watch it, except the Masters, Open Championship and U.S. Open, Ryder Cup. I really can appreciate the talent of professional players, but I find myself feeling like I’m wasting time sitting and watching someone play golf on TV. Then again, it’s less expensive than playing golf.
The twice-every-two-years-USA-losing event is coming up: The Ryder Cup. The PGA Tour, Majors, Olympic Golf, Tour Championship etc, and now the Ryder Cup. Seems like an overload, especially now that football season is here.
I’m lacking golf motivation. Fall is here already. Snow forecasted for the mountains this week. Unreal. Maybe I should go with the two subjects that still seem to spark my interest, Scotland and cigars. Yep. The next month’s posts will only be about Scotland and cigars, or having cigars in Scotland. Maybe buying cigars in Scotland.
I’ve gotten a couple of these nice emails in the last couple of weeks. Yes HOG has won yet another award. My digital shelf is full of them. Glad it’s just digital. This one quoted below is very typical. I receive an unsolicited email from some person and site I’ve never heard of who has this top 10 list or top something list, and HOG is on it. I’m supposed to get all excited about it and post my award, and of course the LINK BACK to the list. That’s the key right there, the link back. This is just link trolling. I’m not a fan of links trolls, so to speak.
Hi Hooked On Golf Team,
My name is Anuj Agarwal. I’m Founder of Feedspot.
I would like to personally congratulate you as your blog Hooked On Golf Blog has been selected by our panelist as one of the Top 100 Golf Blogs on the web.
I personally give you a high-five and want to thank you for your contribution to this world. This is the most comprehensive list of Top 100 Golf Blog on the internet and I’m honored to have you as part of this!
Also, you have the honor of displaying the following badge on your blog. Use the below code to display this badge proudly on your blog.
Out of curiosity I decided to look at the list. Between popups asking me for my email address I was thrilled, yeah right, to find out that I was in 31st place! I had no idea there were even 31 golf blogs in existence. A deeper look at the list had me laughing. Let’s look at a few:
#1 on the list is Golf Channel’s Golf Central Blog. To me this does not qualify as this is a major golf media outlet. Same with #3, ESPN.
#3 is Reddit? Really? That’s not a blog.
#5 is the “Rules of Golf” blog? I’ve never heard of it. They have a whopping zero facebook followers and 635 twitter followers. Impressive. And their Alexa Ranking (more on this later) is 743,000.
Golfsmith is in there. Not a blog.
My Golf Spy is in there. Not a blog. It’s a forum.
GolfNow.com is in there. Not a blog. It’s a discount tee time platform.
“Turf Diseases” comes in at #9. Yes, the widely popular blog Turf Diseases. LOL.
The Golf Channel’s YouTube channel came in at #17 with an Alexa ranking of 2. Well, that’s YouTube’s Alexa ranking but who’s counting?
Other companies in there who simply sell products but are being called blogs include Odyssey Golf, Your Golf Travel, Ben Hogan Golf Company, Northern California Golf Association, Hyde Park Golf and Country Club Grounds Department, Shipsticks…
Funny thing is that one of their criteria is Alexa ranking. Sounds great except the only computers that have Alexa on them are ones in which the user has specifically installed Alexa, and it only works on Internet Explorer, which now has roughly 1/4 of the browser market. The only reason IE has any market share at all is because Windows machines come with IE as the default browser.
Part of the criteria other than the faulty Alexa one is Twitter and Facebook followers. Well I have over 8000 followers, but they show HOG has having ZERO.
If you take away all the golf club companies, travel companies, sports entities like Golf Channel and filter out the list to true golf bloggers and filter out all the noise, HOG moves up to #1. Probably a tie with Golf Blogger really. Neck and neck.