Hooked On Golf Blog

Since the Phoenix Open (congrats to Hunter Mahan) just finished I thought it appropriate to post this great “desert golf” image my pal Scott sent me.  Scott is a golf pro down in Arizona.  He knows all about the dangers of desert golf.

The poor guy in this picture was trying to hit a shot out of the desert and back into play.  He lost his balance and fell into a cactus bush.  It took three hours for them to remove all the cacti.  I wonder what he scored on that hole…

Tony Korologos a.k.a. mediaguru Boneheads, Miscellaneous

Ordering food in Denver airport restaraunt.

Me: Ill have the Caesar salad.

Waiter: What kind of dressing do you want with that?

Me: Caesar.

Tony Korologos a.k.a. mediaguru Boneheads

The PGA Merchandise Show is coming up in a few days.  I’ve been to many shows and I developed my own way of doing things at the show through my years of attending.  I’m going to milk some thoughts out of my cranium which I hope will help you at the show whether you’re there as an attendee, media or exhibitor.

GENERAL SUGGESTIONS AND TIPS FOR ANYONE

Stay close to the Convention Center and don’t bring your car

Get a hotel or condo right next to the convention center.  Stay close enough to walk or take a shuttle.  It is nice to be able to walk to the show and go back to your hotel room if you need to dump some schwag off or take a break.  There are shuttles which pick up and drop off up and down International Drive all the time, so even if you have a long walk, you can probably catch a shuttle.

Another great reason to be close is not having to drive a car to the show.  Parking for me at the show has been a joke.  Traffic on International Drive can be a zoo and parking can be worse.  I remember waiting almost an hour to get into the parking lot to pay $10-20 for parking, only to walk farther to the show than if I’d gotten a hotel nearby.  An hour in “show time” is a huge loss and waste of time. Oh, did I mention it was pouring rain?  I was soaked by the time I got to the show.

Don’t stay at the Days Inn Convention Center

Don’t stay at the Days Inn Convention Center in Orlando.  It sucks.  Last year I booked this place on the phone and was quoted a rate of $54.00/night.  As a golf blogger I can’t quite stay at the Ritz Carlton…  My flight landed at 11pm or so and I got to the hotel at midnight.  The unfriendly guy behind bullet proof glass (hint) checked me in.  When he gave me my receipt, under the bullet proof glass I noticed he booked the rate at $80+ per night.  I told him I’d reserved it for $54 and he just shrugged his shoulders and said, “that is the rate.  You can try to find another hotel but they’re all sold out.”  What am I going to do at midnight without a rental car and two large bags?  I took the room and vowed to let people know about this bait and switch bulls**t.

The story doesn’t end there.  When I got to the room it was awful.  It smelled like mold, mildew and the stinky feet of thousands of kids who’d stayed in the room previously on their trips to Disneyworld.   Blech.

Stock up on bottled water.  Orlando is a swamp.

I’ll admit it.  I’m not a fan of Orlando.  The place is a stinky swamp.  I know that smell.  Every year I get grossed out by it and I can’t wait to get home to the fresh air.  The tap water smells like swamp water too.  I don’t even use it to brush my teeth.  I pack plenty of bottled water to drink and to brush my teeth with.

Pack a laxative, just in case

My digestive system shuts down in Orlando too.  It is either the swamp or the air pressure or perhaps both.  If I don’t pack some sort of laxative to keep me regular, I can go the entire length of the show without taking care of business.  Let me tell you, that is not fun, especially when you’re eating huge dinners every night with clients or pals or whoever.  I don’t like that math at all.

Eye drops too

While we’re at it, I’d pack some eye drops.  The Orlando swamp air kills my eyes.  In the mornings especially my eyes are insanely bloodshot.  When I’m in Orlando my eyes look like I’ve been in a smoky casino in vegas gambing 24/7 for a week straight.  Last year my pal from PGA.com John and I had to make a special trip to a store just to get me eye drops after dinner one night.  I was hurting.

Have a plan for walking the show

There are hundreds of booths at the show.  It is almost impossible to stop by each one, say hello and check out what they have.  The first show I went to years ago I literally wandered from booth to booth, distracted by the shiny gear, wild people, and of course all the local strippers classy ladies hired by booths to attract visitors.

Go to the PGA Show web site and check out the exhibitor list.  There’s also a map of where they are.  Make a checklist of the booths you want to visit, then map out a logical path to take.  Budget your time for each day and follow your map of booths to visit.

Speaking of walking, wear good walking shoes

Two years ago I wore some nice dress shoes.  These were good shoes for weddings or funerals and all the sitting involved.  But these were not good walking shoes.  By the end of the 2nd day I was limping with aching bones in my knees and had terrible blisters on my feet.  Bring good walking shoes.

Make appointments, especially with the big guys

Booths like the Titleist booth can be jammed with visitors.  If there’s someone specific you are there to see, make sure you have an appointment or you may never see them.

TIPS FOR PRESS AND BLOGGERS

The first year I attended the show as media I missed out on some things which nobody told me about.  I didn’t know there was an internet connection in the press room.  I ended up paying an insane amount of money for some commercial wireless connection to post my blogs.  At the end of the show I complained about it, and was then told that there was a free connection for press members.  DOH!  It is usually an ethernet cable or two you have to find.  Some press guys horde the thing so just go yank it out of their laptops if they’re not there.  They’ll yank it out of yours.

Get to the press room as early as possible at the show to claim a locker!  Did you press guys or bloggers know there are press lockers?  This comes in VERY handy.  Bring a lock (or you can check one out for free if you are one of the first few there) and claim a locker the first day you are there.  The lockers go fast.  Having a locker is great for storing your backpack and all the shwag you get at the show.

Don’t steal all the shwag press guys!

At last year’s show a footwear company had put a bunch of samples of ladies sandals in one of the cubbies in the press room.  I went over to grab a pair for my lady.  I watched a greedy press guy shove about 10 pairs of these things into his jacket.  Wow what a loser.  Come on man.  Show some class.

TIPS FOR EXHIBITORS

You’ve just spent $20K on a booth at the biggest show in golf.  This is your big chance.  What do you do now?  Here’s an idea or two to help you.

Speak English

There are many exhibitors from other countries at the show.  But this show is in America and we speak English here.  I can’t tell you how many booths I’ve visited where the person behind the booth spoke Chinese or Japanese or French or whatever, and I couldn’t communicate with them.  I would ask for someone who spoke English, but surprisingly many didn’t have an English speaking person on staff!  Eventually I’ll just move on to another booth.  You can’t sell your damn product if you can’t communicate with your buyers! DOH!

Pay attention to your booth’s visitors!

I’ve got photos from shows past where I went to visit a booth, only to find a person sitting in a chair with his back to the public.  He’s got his laptop in his lap and he’s updating is Facebook page or Twittering.  Hello?  Knock knock!?!?!  Is anyone home?

You just spent tens of thousands of dollars to get a booth at the biggest golf show in the world and you staff it with a guy who is surfing the internet with his back to all your potential customers?  DUH!!!!

I don’t need a golf lesson

Last year I was in a hurry to get to an appointment.  This guy from a horribly put together booth, which had no lights, dragged me to his booth.  He wanted to show me his new golf glove.  I told him I had a minute or two.  He then proceeds to throw his glove on me, put a club in my hand, and have me start taking practice swings in the isle.  His booth was blocked off all around so he could only talk to his customers and have them demo his stuff in the isle.  I almost killed five people swinging a club in out in the middle of the foot traffic.

Then he proceeds to tell me how he can take strokes off my game.  He’s trying to give me golf tips, adjust my grip, my stance, my swing plane.  “You look like you are about an 18 handicap.”  I didn’t respond because I didn’t want to tell him that I was actually a ONE handicap in front of his friends and other visitors… Geez, get me out of here.

Pack it up after the show is over

Starting at about noon on Saturday, some people just can’t wait to pack up their booth.  The show isn’t even over and they’re already getting ready to leave.  It amazes me that companies spend so much dough to be there, so they can ignore their visitors and then pack up to leave early.

No pictures?

You’re at a golf show displaying your equipment in front of 50,000 people.  The goal is to get publlicity, sell your product, increase awareness and make lots of money.  Right?  Yet you don’t want press people taking pictures? Hello?  Do you not want us press guys to write about your stuff either?

That’s it for now.  I’m sure I’ll think of some other tips in the next few days.  Check back.

Tony Korologos a.k.a. mediaguru Boneheads, Golf, Golf Media, Miscellaneous PGA Merchandise Show

Here’s a fun thread of an email conversation I had with a bonehead this morning.

Bonehead

I am trying to place a blog on your site and its not proving easy…maybe I am missing the obvious

can you help please

Best

Noelle

Me: What site are you referring to?

Bonehead

http://www.hookedongolfblog.com

Me: Um, well Hooked On Golf Blog is my blog. If you want to post blogs, you need to start your own blog!

Bonehead

I want to ask an expert a question
I presume you would be open to that

TWAT!!!

Must start looking for one with a personality

Tony Korologos a.k.a. mediaguru Boneheads

I joined an ad network to try and generate some more dough to keep my web sites up and running and cover my dedicated server costs.  I’m a small time, shoe string operator.  Every penny counts.  I was convinced to try out a certain new golf ad network.  That was August.  To date I’ve logged over 629,000 ad impressions (527,311 “paid impressions”) for some pretty fancy advertisers on this network.

Not One Red Cent

The payout for said 527,311 impressions?  Not one red cent, ever.  Their current (and final balance, since I’ve now removed their ads) is $1,002.53.

Contacted Them Several Times

To date I’ve contacted several different people at this network and complained, asked nicely, got on my knees and begged them to settle up their account.  I’ve done this on several occasions and was assured I’d get a payment in November, and then again in December, 2009.  It is now January 12, 2010 and not a peep or payment.

I’d even deleted an ad campaign on my blog which was paying me on a monthly basis, and replaced it with this ad network’s ads.  I find it to be a bad business move to remove campaigns which pay and replace them with ones which don’t.

Nothing But Excuses

I get excuse after excuse about accounting problems, vendor problems, moon spot problems, solar flare problems, dog ate the accountant’s homework problems etc.

Here are a couple:

10.28.09 “payments from June onward have been delayed as we have yet to receive payment from advertisers for these months. It is most likely that we will resolve these accounts within the next month and be able to send your payment in the November billing cycle (you would receive it at the end of November).”

Oh really?  Didn’t get a payment of any kind in November.  Actually I’ve received no payment of any kind, ever.  Here’s another good one:

10.28.09 “We can provide you some more detailed reports shortly- our system is momentarily down.”

Aw shucks their system is momentarily down.  Darn it anyway.

11.23.09 ME “I’m weary of running any ads from xxx-slimeball-company at this point, since I have yet to be paid and I’ve been running your ads for over three months now.  I’ve sent numerous emails into you guys about this yet nobody has even responded.”

11.23.09 THEM “I am very sorry to hear that my team has been unresponsive.  A number of late advertiser payments forced us to push publisher payment back. You will receive payment for August and most likely September as well at the end of December.”

One more, just for fun!!!

12.03.09 “You should have been paid by now so its probably a simple administrative fix…”

I’ve got your administrative fix right here.  It is called sending me a check.

I was even told on the phone that they secured “X” zillion more dollars in investor money to pay their advertisers.  If they could get x-zillion dollars from their investors, they could probably send me  the .00000000001% of that dough to settle up with me.

Filling out their stupid “report cards” does nothing

I get emails from this company asking me to fill out a “report card” so they can “know how to improve.”  Under the fields communication, responsiveness and payment I grade them an “F” every time.  Then in the text field at the bottom it asks “How can we improve?” I usually type in something really hard to understand like “pay me” and I’ll bitch about not getting paid, ever.  Obviously nobody reads their stupid report card surveys, or if they do they choose not to do anything about the complaints.

Lowering The Boom SOON…

If these inconsiderate aholes don’t take care of their balance with me pronto,  I’ll be plastering their name all over my golf sites and letting everyone know that they’re deadbeats.  Anyone Googling them to see if they want to work with them will surely find my posts about how they don’t pay, and stay away.  I would.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to have a martini.

Tony Korologos a.k.a. mediaguru Boneheads, Site News

I’m taking a break from golf blogging until next year.  See you then.

Tony Korologos a.k.a. mediaguru Boneheads, Miscellaneous

Well it has been an interesting year for me in the world of golf and in my personal life.

My golf game got worse technically, from a 1 to a 3.8, probably due to lack of concentration on my part. That’s because of non golf related issues getting in the way. I hope to bring that handi back down in ‘10 and have a better year on and off the course.

Anna Rawson never returned my phone calls…

Tiger didn’t win a major, but won 6 times.

Tiger’s mistresses surface and a media frenzy happens.

TGS’s new dedicated server worked great. I went through a couple of format/template changes (hopefully improving the site).

The TGS Shop got up and running and made a few sales over the year.

My University of Utah Utes football team won the Sugar Bowl and ended up #2 in the country.

My best friend Alan played golf at St. Andrews with Boynie as his caddie. They called me from a pub! Alan called me from the 1st tee and told me “I’m touching the 1st tee with my hand.” I said “Take a picture.” He said, ” Every great the game has seen in its history has stood at this spot.”

I played the TPC Sawgrass Stadium course.

This year I met Anna Rawson, Rocco Mediate, Fuzzy Zoeller, Hale Irwin, David Leadbetter, Duffy Waldorf, Smokey Robinson.

TGS membership grew from 3800 to 4900 over the year (no advertising).

TGS visitors went from 4.3 million to over 7 million.

I had a bout of the shanks, changed irons 3 times.

I shot a 65 in my men’s league on “ladies’ day” where we played from the ladies’ tees.

Withdrew from the city amateur on my home course because of back problems.

A guy hit me in the ass from 3 feet with his driver on the driving range.

My youtube video views topped 1 million, then 2 million.

I vowed to play a golf hole naked if Sergio Garcia won the Masters. Pretty safe bet.

I won the money title in my men’s club.

Tony Korologos a.k.a. mediaguru Boneheads, Golf, Golf Life, Hackers, Life, Miscellaneous

According to “Life & Style” Ben Crane said of Tiger Woods, “he’s a phony and a fake” and that Elin knew of the affairs.  Life & Style also quoted Charles Warren as saying Elin “had stars in her eyes and maybe dollar signs too.”

Problem

These quotes were gathered by the crack staff of Life & Style at the PGA Tour Qualifying tournament. One problem though, Crane finished 51st on the money list and has his tour card.  He wasn’t at the qualifying tournament.  Warren withdrew from the tournament before the final round.

“We sent an experienced freelance reporter to a golf tournament attended by several PGA pros.  Our reporter spoke with two golfers who presented themselves as Ben Crane and Charles Warren. We are taking these claims very seriously and investigating further.” ~statement by Life & Style Magazine

The magazine declined to answer when asked if they had actual photos of the players they quoted.

“This is unbelievable. I never said a word about anything. They print this and put my name next to it.  At that point, I was like, ‘OK, that’s the farthest thing from the truth.  I didn’t realize I should be proactively calling you and (other journalists) until all of a sudden the tour called and said they wanted to run it (on television).” ~Ben Crane

Tony Korologos a.k.a. mediaguru Boneheads, PGA Tour, Tiger Woods

It is time for the 5th annual HOG Turkey Awards.  This is a time when I reflect back on the golf year and make a short list of some of the biggest turkeys, or what I like to call “boneheads” in golf.  First let’s take a look back at the last four year’s turkey award winners to get a flavor.  The winners are listed below.  Click on them to see the entire turkey list of that year.

• 2008 John Daly for passing out drunk in a Hooters.

• 2007 Sergio Garcia for spitting in the cup.

• 2006 Phil Mickelson US OPEN meltdown on #18.

• 2005 Vijay Singh cancels tour appearances and loses hundreds of thousands of dollars due to ping pong injury, Duval makes $381 per event for 2005 ($38 for the caddy), 15 LPGA players have longer driving distance than Corey Pavin

And now, without further ado, the 2009 HOG Turkey Award winners are below, in no particular order except for the winner which is posted LAST.  I went a little crazy this year. I posted a bunch of turkeys rather than just the top 10.  I couldn’t resist.

• Rule Twenty One golf pocket towels are shaped like neckties and hang from your pocket.   Rather than giving this thing a poor review I decided to just not do one.   Their press releases are so “over the top tree hugger green” it is nauseating (link to a .doc press release).  They’re obviously trying to jump onto the “green” wave.   According to their press releases, this golf towel increases the player’s concentration level, increases blood circulation, cures headaches, cures insomnia, restores agricultural lands, reduces rain runoff.   All this from a golf towel?  Wow.  Not only that, this golf towel repairs the ozone hole, feeds hungry children, cures cancer, brings peace to the Middle East, solves the USA’s economic problems, cures AIDS, turns water into wine and does stuff that would make even Jesus himself say “how’d you do that?”  Soon this golf towel will replace all the light bulbs in all the homes on the planet, saving the entire earth from running out of energy too.   I heard Al Gore uses this golf towel, so they have that going for them.  Somebody please stop me any time.
• Members of my other site, The Golf Space, chimed in to help with this year’s awards.  Somehow they came up with Chris Berman as a turkey award winner for his awful golf announcing.  Yes, don’t get me started with Berman and all his not so funny names like “Roger Chocolate Maltbe.”  That was funny about 20 years ago.  How about “He cooked his putt too far,” or “ground control to major Toms,” or “David Do Val?”  Geez.
• A turkey award goes out to golf TV media for covering Tiger Woods 99% of the time, even when he isn’t playing.  I love how they show Tiger blowing snot rockets out of his nose or entering the porta-potty instead of covering some other player on the course making a great shot.  Perhaps one of the best bad Tiger coverages was by TNT, when they were covering (quite well though) Tiger’s empty parking spot.
• Related to the last post, we might as well mention TGC.  TGC doesn’t stand for “The Golf Channel.”  It stands for “Tiger is God Channel” or “Tiger Golf Channel.”
• Awful golf announcing in general should have a Turkey Award.  There’s a lot of it going around.
• A few notable names who didn’t crack the top 125 on the PGA Tour: David Duval (sorry “Do Val,” 130), Chris DiMarco (135), Stuart Appleby (137), Brad Faxon (221), Jesper Parnevik (219), John Daly (215).
• Speaking of John Daly… Can’t have a Turkey Award without mentioning big John.  He gets an award for being suspended for most of the year.
• Kenny Perry chomps on a turkey leg for not sealing the deal at the Masters.  Then later he fires his caddy before the end of the season run.  Happy Holidays.
• Ernie Els gets a turkey for playing far below his potential.
• Sergio Garcia for his whining about the Masters conditions after playing poorly.  Yes the terrible conditions at Augusta National were to blame for his poor play.  I hate playing that course.  It is such a dog track that I never score well there.
• Stupid drunk golf fans who yell “you’re the man” or “get in the hole” after every shot.  SHUT THE HELL UP YOU MORONS!
• Someone (the economy, management, banks) should get a turkey for Nickent going out of business.
• Me for accidentally throwing a product I was reviewing in the middle of a lake.
• The PGA Tour for the FedEx Cup.  Actually I liked the playoffs and FedEx Cup this year.  I just got so used to putting the FedEx Cup in as a recipient that I almost automatically did it this year.
• Anna Rawson for meeting me and blowing her chance of “having her way” with me. 
• Nine crooks who were selling counterfeit golf clubs on ebay.  They’ll be eating prison turkey now.
• Jim Thorpe for tax evasion.
• Tom Watson for failing to make par on the 18th at the British Open and failing to seal one of the most incredible feats in sports history.  Man I wanted to see that happen!  Damn!  Still amazing what he did though.  I don’t want to take away from what he accomplished by any means.
• Annika Sorenstam for marrying someone other than me and having his child. 
• Golfers or golf companies who use too much fancy Adobe Flash in their web sites…. loading, loading, loading…
• Facebook and Twitter users who want to inform me and hundreds of their friends that their five year old son’s farts smell like french dip sandwiches.
• The guy on the range who shanked his driver and hit me in the ass definitely gets a Turkey Award.
• Iron Maiden drummer Nicko McBrain (yes I know), beaned by a golf ball.
• The slew of players who had this year’s Masters Tournament in the palm of their hands and gagged it away.
• Carolyn Bivens.  Need I say more?
• Errant Bill Murray golf shot sends lady to hospital.
• Shanghai golf counterfeiters raided and busted.
• GolfNow.com for saying they’ll get back to me on advertising by February 3rd.  It is now November 28th.
• Nike ad tout’s themselves as #1 driver yet their promo pictures shot Tiger Woods with a Titleist putter in his hands.
• On February 18th Steve Williams says Tiger Woods’ return is a “few weeks away.”  Tiger returns seven days after that.
• I score a nine on the 17th at TPC Sawgrass, becoming the first person to put the 2009 model ProV1 in the water there…. twice.
• Whoever passed gas on the 18th hole at the Buick, whether it was Tiger, Stevie or David Feherty.  Oh and how about YouTube for taking my video of that event down after only one hour of being up.  In that hour that video was viewed 20,000 times.
• Runner up for the 2009 Turkey Awards is the PGA Tour for banning a complete no-name, unknown player for using performance enhancing drugs.  Way to step out on a limb and make a stand!  Bravo!

And the #1 Turkey Award Winner for 2009… drum roll please…..

TIGER WOODS

I’m a big Tiger fan so don’t get me wrong.  But Tiger displayed very poor sportsmanship throughout the year with his temper tantrums, club throwing on numerous occasions, cussing and bag kicking.  His behavior at the British was very disappointing.  Many videos surfaced over the season of Tiger throwing clubs.  I wish Bobby Jones could have a talk with Tiger about club throwing.  He threw a club once and never did it again.

Related Links

A Walk In The Park’s Jazzy Awards

Tony Korologos a.k.a. mediaguru Boneheads, Champions Tour, European Tour, Golf Media, Hackers, LPGA Tour, Life, Miscellaneous, PGA Tour, Pro Golf, The Masters, Tiger Woods

When ProV1’s and ZStar’s and B330 golf balls are $40-60 a dozen, it really makes fishing balls out of the water hazards a productive activity.  Ball retrievers can save you a fortune in lost golf balls.

The Golf Fisherman (sounds like the Popeil Pocket Fisherman) is just the tool for fishing out golf balls.  It couldn’t be any simpler.  You throw the thing out into the water and drag the lake, scooping up dozens of $5 golf balls.  You can pretend you’re “Gladiator” with a grappling weapon, circling the unit above your head and then throwing it for the kill (or for golf balls).

Is it that easy or am I just a bonehead?  Don’t answer…

I shot a little video (at the bottom of this post) of my first attempt at retrieving balls on the #3 hole at my home course.  I’ve put more balls in the water on this damn hole than any other.  I guess that is because the golf gods wanted to teach me a lesson for getting an ace on that hole back in 2001.

What you don’t realize when you are dragging a lake, is that you don’t just scoop up golf balls.  You scoop up whatever other debris is at the bottom of the lake.  In this case it was rotten, stinky algae.  I thought for a second I might scoop up Jimmy Hoffa.

If all else fails, try another lake

Not having much luck on #3, I decided to go to the hole which is in 2nd place for ball eating in my game history.  This is the lake to the right of #1, a par-5.  That lake eats balls.  Any drive which drifts right is toast.

I found a good spot, then started circling the unit above my head like the gladiator that I am.  I released the unit for the kill with precision and skill.  The unit flies about 25 yards right to the center of the lake.

Problem…

I forgot to tether the unit to my wrist this time.  I lost the grip and the entire unit and string flew into the middle of the lake, out of reach.  I just stood there an laughed as I watched the thing sink.  DOH!

I need a fisherman to fish out my golf fisherman!

Tony Korologos a.k.a. mediaguru Boneheads, Equipment & Accessories, Golf Accessories, Golf Reviews