Lately it seems like I find a new phone book on my doorstep every other week. Last week another one arrived. After opening the packaging though, I realized this wasn’t a phone book. It was the Gigantic Book of Golf Quotations.
Here on Hooked On Golf Blog I have a little module which outputs random golf quotes every time the page is accessed. There are a few text files floating around the web with golf quotes which I put in this module, plus I’ve added a bunch of newer ones as I’ve heard them live during golf coverage. The Gigantic Golf Book of Quotations is the mother load of these golf quotes.
The Gigantic Book of Golf Quotations is an 800 page book of golf quotes, jokes and sayings brought together by author Jim Apfelbaum. Arnold Palmer wrote the foreward. This isn’t exactly the kind of book you sit down and read from cover to cover. It’s more of a coffee table book, or one you break out once in a while for some fun golf reading.
The quotes and sayings are broken into sections in the book. Some, but not all of the sections include Golf History, Tournaments, Media, Senior (Champions) Tour, Instruction, Definitions, Legendary Players, Legendary Moments and more.
The book has a great index where you can look up your favorite players or people and then find all of their quotes. For instance, there are 19 quotes by Tiger Woods, 50 quotes by Jack Nicklaus and of course 58 quotes by Lee Trevino.
Here are a few sample quotes from the book which I liked:
“How can they beat me? I’ve been struck by lightning, had two back operations, and been divorced twice.”
“My dear, did you ever stop to think what a wonderful bunker you would make?”
~Walter Hagen to a buxom opera diva
“Do I have to know rules and all that crap? Then forget it.”
“He’s playing a game I’m not familiar with. Of course, I’m playing a game I’m not familiar with.”
~Jack Nicklaus on playing partner Tiger Woods
“The scores have been lower than Gary McCord’s IQ.”
“Golf is assuredly a mystifying game. It would seem that if a person has hit a golf ball correctly a thousand times, he should be able to duplicate the performance at will. But this is certainly not the case.”
After reading every page of this 800 page book I was sad to find that my all time favorite golf quote was omitted:
“Aim low sheriff. Aim low. For the midgets are riding Shetland Ponies.”
Another couple by Fred Couples didn’t make it:
“God Damn it I hate this f**king game.”
~After he dumped his tee shot in the water during a sudden death playoff.
“Yeah that’s pretty f**king funny eh?”
~After hearing a fan laugh when he examined a terrible green-side lie.
This book sat by my front door for a few days. Then I decided I needed to put it in my bookcase. On the way to the bookcase I sat on my stairwell and opened it up. I enjoyed reading through the quotes so much, I sat on the stairs for over TWO hours! While writing this golf blog post I just spent another HOUR reading quotes!
Anyone who loves golf, golf players, the history and the frustrations of the game, should have a copy of The Gigantic Book of Golf Quotations.