Top 10 Things I’ll Miss at the 2017 PGA Merchandise Show
Free booze! – Love packing booths at the end of the day to get a free beer. But as you can see from the ladies below, several days of drinking can take its toll!
Getting in a booth that offers free booze, let alone getting to the bar is a war. KILL KILL!
Free swag? I have to mention it, but the last few shows I went to I intentionally came home empty handed. Too much golf stuff here at HOG World Headquarters as it is LOL.
Warm weather. We had 20 inches of snow in 24 hours a couple of days ago. It’s nice to go to Orlando and get out of the cold.
Booth babes. Yes the same thing I complained about in the previous post.
After all, they give me plenty of blog material and of course more hits when I post pictures of them.
Playing golf in Florida, at courses I haven’t played. Definitely a benefit of going to the Show.
I visit her every year. I can’t quite “pinpoint” what I like so much about her but I stop by and admire her every Show. On a side note I can never figure out why that section of the show is so cold every year.
Meeting famous people in golf. Below is me with the maker of the most over-priced and over-sought-after putters, Scotty Cameron.
There’s a lot of real junk at the show, but there are the occasional very cool new golf products. It’s fun to see what the golf inventors and designers come up with to shave more strokes off your game.
I’m still about the same handicap I was 10 years ago though.
Tilted Kilt. I love me a good ole fashioned Florida Scottish pup with the greasiest fried food on the planet and the hottest waitresses. Unfortunately in the photo below I couldn’t put my arm around her because I had just dislocated my shoulder and my arm is in a sling. Booo.
Okay I lied. I just like the place because its initials are “TK” and they have a beer called the “TK Ale.”
Perkins. I always stop by for some pancakes. Yes, this is “the” Perkins where it all went down, so to speak.
PEOPLE – By far the biggest thing I’ll miss at the PGA Show is the AWESOME PEOPLE.
I have so many great friends in the golf industry. It pains me to miss out on an opportunity to see you all. Damn that hurts!
For 10+ years I ponied up my own money for plane tickets from Utah to Orlando to attend the PGA Merchandise Show and report to HOG readers about the latest longest long long super long really awesome big long longest longer drivers. Along with those expenses were rental car fees, lodging, transportation, food and beverage, parking etc. It added up to thousands by the time I was done with a week in Orlando. While in Orlando something happens to my body. I’m allergic to something there. It’s the swamp water or something. I get massive headaches, my eyes turn as red as a ripe tomato and hurt like hell, and my digestive system shuts down literally for the entire time I’m there. Needless to say that is, shall we say, uncomfortable.
So the last couple of years I’ve made the executive decision to pass on the PGA Show. I was probably the first blogger to ever “live blog” from the show, and now there are dozens of blogs and websites doing that stuff. They’ve got it covered. I can stay home with my family, not have to take time off of my day job, and not have to fork money out of my own pocket that the blog advertising would never recoup.
I do miss going and seeing all my industry friends and I’m going to write a companion post to this one, logging the 10 things I miss most about not attending the PGA Merchandise Show. But for now, here are the:
Top 13 Things I Won’t Miss at the PGA Merchandise Show
Massive migraine headaches every day. Seriously! WTF is in the air/water in Orlando?
Crap “show” food
Bloodshot eyes that are hurt and look as red as ripe tomatoes. Seriously! WTF is in the air/water in Orlando?
Puma’s “DJ” cranking out mind numbing, eardrum shattering, wrist-slitting, talent-less “music” that goes boom-tiss, boom-tiss, boom-tiss, boom-tiss, boom-tiss, boom-tiss, boom-tiss, boom-tiss, boom-tiss, boom-tiss, boom-tiss, boom-tiss, boom-tiss, boom-tiss, boom-tiss, boom-tiss, boom-tiss, boom-tiss, boom-tiss, boom-tiss, boom-tiss, boom-tiss…. for f*&king ever. The poor FootJoy guys across the aisle will be deaf by the end of the show, if they don’t kill themselves first.
Booth babes. I have no respect for golf companies who hire local strippers “talent” to attract visitors to their booths. For example the photo below. I have no recollection of the product or company represented at this booth.
Being subjected to the marketing nonsense of the longest long long super long really awesome big long longest longer drivers ever in the whole universe, longer than ever LONG!
Did I mention how long it is? Longest EVA!!!
Foreigner in concert
Drinking and eating too much.
Golf club stands and other horrible golf inventions which will only serve to bankrupt the inventor and investors.
Booths staffed by people who don’t speak english. Why someone would pay $40,000 for a booth and then put reps in there who can’t communicate with customers or sell products is mind boggling.
Speaking of spending $40,000 on a booth, I have to mention the “sleeping dude in the booth” thing. As the show wears on, people will be nodding off in their booths.
Educational conferences on how to “grow the game” which are full of buzz phrases and “feel good” ideas. Those ideas will be completely ineffective, just like last year’s ineffective ideas and the year before…
Being constipated for a whole week after drinking and eating too much. Seriously! WTF is in the air/water in Orlando?
So there it is, more than you ever wanted to know about a golf blogger’s digestive system and the only place on the entire planet it fails in: Orlando.
Boobs are the best way to sell golf equipment… Click to expand, if you have a big enough monitor.
Though I am not at the 20142015 2016 PGA Merchandise Show this week, I can tell you everything that is going to happen there. Here’s a bullet list of some of the highlights one can expect at the PGA Show:
Every golf company’s new and bestest awesome driver ever in the universe will be longer than ever! BOOM! LONG! BIG! POW! LONG LONG LONG!
Every golf ball manufacturer’s ball is the longest ever and has more spin for control around the greens! More control and more distance, every year! How do they do it!?!?!?
Puma will have a DJ and the guys across at FootJoy will be deaf by the end of the show! Boom-tis boom-tis boom-tis… OOOHHHHH YEAH!
Some golf companies will attract visitors to their booths with hired local strippers! Yay for strippers! Booth babes! Problem is, the visitors will never remember the company or its offerings: “Hey Bob, remember the boobs on those two blonds at that one booth? I can’t remember the company, but I sure remember those boobs!”
Many first-time companies will display puzzling products, like golf club stands. Why they decided to blow their life savings on a booth at the show for a product which can’t even garner $5 on ebay is beyond me.
Companies and entrepreneurs who don’t have enough money for a booth will be soliciting people on the show floor, like flashers or counterfeit watch salesmen on the streets of NYC: “Hey buddy, wanna see something cool?”
Chinese companies will be going around the show covertly taking photos of the products they will counterfeit.
Foreigner will play the after show concert for the 208th year in a row.
Non industry professionals who borrowed passes from their golf industry friends will be scouring the show for all the free golf schwag they can carry in a bag they got at the first booth they visited. “Look at these free tees I got!!! Yippeeeee!!!”
As each show morning comes, every participant will have a bigger hangover and sorer feet.
People will stand in line for TWO hours to hit the latest TaylorMade driver.
Golf Channel TV personalities will cut in line at the hot dog stand in front of us low-lifes who are politely waiting in line. This happened to me more than once!
Educational conferences will cover “growing the game” and new “golf initiatives,” but they will be completely forgotten and ineffective. New drivers will still be $400. Golf will still be too expensive. Golf will still take too long. Handicaps will stay the same. The game will remain difficult…just like the last year and the year before… and so on, and so on.
Parking will suck. Ride the shuttles!
Show food will suck. Pack a lunch.
By the last day of the show, exhibitors will be nodding off to sleep in their booths which they paid $40,000 for. Then, after waking up, they will start packing up the booth many hours before the show ends.
Astonishingly, many expensive booths will be staffed by people who do not speak english. Countless communication problems will likely lead to lost sales.
The next HOG World Tour stop is officially booked. I’ll be rolling into Orlando, Florida for the 2012 PGA Merchandise Show Tuesday evening the 24th of January and participating in all show functions through end of day Saturday the 28th. Heading home Sunday afternoon.
For the first time, I’ll be spending the whole day at the Wednesday demo day at Orange County National Golf Center, testing out all the new gear and doing live reports of the goings on.
I’ll be at the show Thursday, Friday and Saturday roaming the floor and working the press room. Ping me if you’d like to say hello.
If you have a booth or your golf related company is going to be at the show, I’m happy to meet with you. I’ll be doing my usual reports, photo taking and doing video interviews.
2011 PGA Merchandise Show – Glen from Coolheads makes head covers which double as drink coolers. As a bonus, they can keep your towel wet too. The one thing they seem to have forgotten is getting the thing to change the oil and wash the windows on your car during your golf round…