Special edition! This Masters Thursday I’m releasing my highly anticipated Masters Toothpaste Scripting. It’s my time. It’s a script like no other. It’s the toothpaste script heard round the world. YES SIR!
A lot of thought and planning over the past few months has gone into this toothpaste script. We needed some oral care sure, but also looked for whitening and even kids care. It’s a family blog. To get that piece of pulled pork out from between the right rear molars I had to throw in some dental floss, mint flavor of course. A motorized toothbrush is a must and to finish the process, clean and fresh smile whitener.
I’m proud of this Masters toothpaste scripting. I hope you enjoy it, and the Masters Tournament.
In your life have you ever seen anything like that?
I’ve been waiting for this week to come for months! It’s the absolute best time of year in golf. No no no… not the Masters Tournament silly, it’s APPAREL SCRIPT SEASON! Apparel scripts are by far my favorite part of the golf industry. And if you’re like me, you go down to the local golf shop and buy EVERY piece of apparel in every script. I do it in hopes I can golf just like Rory McIlory or Dustin Johnson. Maybe if I wear the same shirt Bubba does I can hit my driver 350 yards!
2017 Masters Apparel Scripts
I must admit, apparel scripting has come a long way and I think I’ve had quite a bit to do with it. The crop of scripts for the Masters this week is quite good. Those busy golf PR people have been working hard all winter drawing up sketches, making designs, and hiring lawn sprinkler installers to make “cool” apparel hangers. Below, enjoy my 2017 Masters apparel script commentary and critiques.
Bill Haas, a.k.a. “Jason”
I must start with the best scripting for 2017. I can’t resist going for it right off the bat. For this year’s Masters Bill Haas is going with the “Halloween face” look. It’s kind of a mask-like thing covering his whole face, but has some kind of cross burned into it… or maybe it’s stitched into it.
Love the Jason look, or is it Freddie? I’m not sure how well Haas will play this week, with his whole face and eyes covered.
I’m quite concerned about Louis Oosthuizen’s ability to compete in the Masters with only one pair of pants. Those could get quite, um, not pleasant after four days of huffing around the hilly Augusta National. He’s okay in the shirt department though. I don’t see any shoes, underwear, or socks. That one hat could get a little gamy by the end of the tournament.
adidas went cheap this year and is using the same photoshop template for apparel scripts that they did last year. Must be a cost cutting measure. Three pairs of pants is odd, hehe. I mean, assuming he makes the cut which pair will he wear a second time on Sunday? Or will he wear one pair Friday and Saturday, then a new clean pair on Sunday? No socks. No hat. No underwear. Walking Augusta in no undies could be chafe city.
Sigh. Pass the Grey Poupon. If Justin Thomas looks even remotely like this I’ll play the first hole of my home course naked. And how can whoever makes the fabrics in his shirts and pants do the “colors floating in a cloud outside of the fabric” thing? I’d like to see them pull that off. It’s a pretty complete script. He at least has shoes.
Rickie Fowler’s script is pretty solid. I see 4 shirts, 4 pants. I don’t see socks or undies and I wonder about the three pairs of shoes. Assuming he makes the cut, which pair will he wear twice. When I look at the bag I can only hope he remembered his clubs. Hard to score well in the Masters with an empty golf bag. The threads in this script are fine but I’m more intrigued by the pipe stand. Does that fit in the tiny Masters locker room? Did Puma hire a plumber to make that thing? And who was first on the block with the “plumbing” stand idea? See next analysis.
Nike has improved in their scripting. At least this time Rory has shirts with sleeves, and four of them. He’s got four hats, shoes, and pants too. Nice job Nike. I see no socks though. That might hurt. And who knows on the undies, or does Rory “free ball” it?
More importantly, check out the killer plastic sprinkler pipe stand. Does Rory have one of those for each outfit? Does it fit in the Augusta locker room? Can he do pull-ups on it? How many versions did they make until they came up with this one? Did they have a plumber or sprinkler installer do it? And did Nike come up with the plumbing idea before Puma? Who was first? I want to know.
Who is Danny Willett? He’s the guy that won last year, after Jordan Spieth melted down on the 12th hole. It was actually a tremendous final round 67 with no bogeys. I doubt Danny can play that well with no shoes or socks, or underwear for that matter. And it might be even harder if his pants are falling down (no belt).
Okay who is copying who? The artsy fartsy thing does nothing for me. Nothing. I can’t even tell which pants or shirts these are so I can go buy them at the store. And are these clubs Henrik has four different ones, or the same one? I hope four different ones. Henrik has a wee bit of a temper. He’s known to break stuff.
Brandt “No Face” Snedeker
I’m sorry, but the no-face thing is creepy. Especially the one on the right. I can’t go beyond that.
Welp… Are any of these the same colors or styles he wore in last year’s final round? I hope not, for his sake. Bad apparel scripts can cost a player a major championship.
All Time Greatest Masters Apparel Script
2014 Masters Apparel Script – Golf PR Companies Take Note
Blah. All those companies above can’t hold a candle to my apparel scripting skills. I’m not sure why one of these big golf companies hasn’t tried to hire me away from blogging, just for my scripting skills. My 2014 Masters apparel script stands the test of time, right down to the Masters themed underwear. It’s the “apparel script heard ’round the world.” It’s an apparel script “like no other.” “YES SIR!”
I guess hell just froze over. Stay tuned for a big announcement today from Augusta, GA. Augusta National Golf Club, home of The Masters, has been a venue the LPGA Tour has wanted to compete at for decades. They’ve wanted a “Ladies Masters” tournament of some sort, but those wishes have fallen on deaf ears. My inside sources have informed me that The Masters Tournament committee has frog-jumped the LPGA Ladies Masters idea and gone right to admitting female competitors in the Masters Tournament starting in 2018.
Don’t expect to see female competitors for half the field in 2018 though. In fact, I’d only expect to see perhaps five or less. My source has told me qualifying for females or males will be basically the same except for the additions to allow the female USGA Amateur champion in, along with the five (if there are in fact five) LPGA Tour major champions from the previous year.
I can’t wait to hear what Martha Burke has to say. Twitter and the social sphere will surely be exploding as the news gets out.
What are your thoughts? Is this the right move or not? And will the ladies be playing the member tees or the Masters tees? There are only two sets of tees there, and personally I think the Masters tees would destroy any female golfer’s chances because the course is so long now.
Big announcement! I’ve release my first-ever mobile app! To increase my skills in the day job area of web development I tasked myself with learning a complex programming framework which lends itself to creating “device agnostic” applications. Part of that learning, and my winter project, was to make a mobile golf app. So I took my website Utah Golf Guru and created an app based on the same data. Utah Golf Courses is NOW AVAILABLE for free at the Android Play Store. I’ve submitted the IOS version to the Apple App Store also, but it is awaiting approval.
Utah Golf Courses mobile app
About Utah Golf Courses App
Utah Golf Courses works on any Android or IOS device. The app provides a listing of every golf course in Utah. The user can search for courses based on keywords. The user can also filter courses based on the type of course (public, private, resort, military), and geographic location. So the user could filter the list to show public courses in the southwest region of the state.
Each course has a ton of details when the user taps the course to view it, like yardage, slope, rating. One can even find the types of grass on the fairways and greens. I also offer playing tips and commentary on many of the courses, including the range ball quality.
Tablet view of a course
The majority of the course photos were shot by me with many by drone.
There are many reasons behind making the app. The first two listed above were learning new coding skills and learning how to make an app. The other reason behind this one is that I’ve often found myself and my buddies looking for courses to book tee times, and not knowing their numbers. In just two taps of the user’s finger, the user can find the course and dial the course from the app.
Links (pun intended)
Utah Golf Courses for Android
Utah Golf Courses for IOS (coming soon)
Utah Golf Guru Website
Pop quiz: Is it possible to lose $21 playing golf with a $2.00 bet?
Answer: Yes, when you’re me and playing against the guy with the best short game in the world.
Yesterday was round 3 of the 2017 season for me. I have low expectations since I have now logged 3 rounds in 3 weeks and 3 rounds since November. It doesn’t even bother me that my rounds are getting worse. I know through many years of experience that it takes me a while to get my game back in the spring. That’s a great reason to move somewhere I can golf all year, but that’s a blog post for another day.
Yesterday’s round featured a match between the team of me and my buddy Arnie, and Dalton and Al. Al is a senior player closing in on 70 years old who I’ve played 100’s of times with. He has the best short game of any amateur golfer I’ve ever seen, and better than most pros. Man was that short game on display yesterday.
Al is not a long player, so he often misses greens he’s unable to reach in regulation. If he misses any green in regulation by 70 yards or less, I’d put his lifetime up and down percentage at around 75%. It was so amazing yesterday that I was hoping my putt from the fringe would be closer than his shot from 60 yards. By my calculations yesterday he failed to get up and down once out of around 14 times. That was on the 18th hole when the match was already closed out and it didn’t matter. Hehe.
At the end of the day Al had taken all the cash I had on me, $21. Nothing more fun than leaving the course with an empty wallet. But it was the cheapest short game lesson I’ve ever had and I learned a lot from him. He hit almost every shot low. Low runners. And unlike what a lot of short game experts tell you (to land the ball just on the green and have it release) he would land the ball short of the green and the ball would roll to the hole like a putt… to 1-2 feet. His release on those shots is pretty low and short too.
Inspired by Al’s short game I was able to get up and down three consecutive times on the back nine, probably a world record for me.
I must resist the lob wedge and go low and run my short games unless the situation forces a high shot. That’s a goal for this season.