Yes, my brain has shorted out and the cerebellum is hotwired to my cerebral cortex backwards… Like I mentioned in my last post about the evil lady golfers who cast no shadows, I’m cleaning out my laptop files, including screen captured images which are puzzling, dumb, odd, sexist, or who knows what. I stumbled across this one which made my brain cringe. No I don’t cringe. My brain does.
“You deserve it?”
How does Troon Golf know Jordan Spieth deserved it? What criteria did Troon Golf use to determine whether Jordan Spieth deserved it or not? Who determined that Troon is the one who decides if someone deserves something? And if they did determine Troon was qualified to determine whether someone deserves something, who the hell put them in charge? What if Spieth didn’t deserve it but still won? What if Spieth deserved it and didn’t win? Did other players deserve it? Why didn’t those other players win if they deserved it? Why does Troon not post commentary about players who won other tournaments and deserved to win those? Why doesn’t Troon post “you did not deserve it” to players who won but didn’t deserve to? Why?
Whether or not Troon was qualified to state that Jordan deserved it, and whether or not Jordan did in fact deserve it, what is the purpose of saying so? Maybe Troon thought Jordan would appreciate being informed that he deserved it? Perhaps Troon thought Jordan didn’t know he deserved it and Troon was simply helping him out? Certainly if Spieth really did deserve it, he should have known, right? Could Spieth have deserved it and not realized he did? It would seem Troon thought he didn’t know he deserved it, assuming in fact he did.
I’m trying to clean up the files on my laptop. I screen capture things that look odd, funny, dumb… The photo below is one of those and it has taken me a long time to figure this out. Take a look.
Something is wrong with this photo, and it isn’t the fact that the lady in the background is aiming away from the flag, which is a few feet away from her and not pulled. If she putts and hits the stick it is a two stroke penalty. But like I said, that’s not the problem.
The lady in front looks like the lady in the back. Almost like they are the same lady. Maybe they’re twins? Plus she putts with a glove on? That’s odd. But that’s not it either. The front lady’s hair is blowing to the right, but the flag is blowing back and the lady on the right’s har isn’t moving. A little odd as well.
I finally figured out that the lady in the front is casting no shadow, but the lady in the back is. After hours, even days of research on the Google webs I figured out that this is a female golf Doppelgänger. Check out the description:
“Ancient folklore and mythology portrays the Doppelgänger as an entity that casts no shadow and has no reflection. They are also known as “evil twins” and often have sinister motives…”
I figured it out! These ladies are obviously evil Doppelgänger twins! I bet there’s something in there about not being affected by the wind and wearing a glove while putting.
This is without a doubt one of the best weeks of the year in golf. Yes it is apparel script season. You see, the golf PR and golf apparel companies have really gone to great lengths to promote their products, and “apparel scripts” are getting more and more elaborate. While I appreciate fine apparel, I don’t find myself having to have a certain pair of shoes because x-PGA Tour player wears them. Same with the WITB (what’s in the bag) posts. These apparel scripts have really flooded the golf media sphere. The PR agencies send them out and all the sites post them for what I figure are two reasons: 1. They want to continue to get swag and fear if they don’t post, the swag boat will sail. 2. They don’t have to actually create content. It’s all done for them.
I’ve made it a policy not to post apparel scripts. When I started this site over 10 years ago I vowed to try and be as original as possible, and not post the same content everyone else does.
Today I’m making an exception though. I feel I can add some value to these scripts, and a viewpoint (hopefully very twisted) not found elsewhere. So let’s get to it.
Tiger Woods and Rory McIlory
How about that video above? These people are serious about their apparel scripts. Below are Tiger’s and Rory’s scripts (click to enlarge):
What stands out to me most about the above scripts are that somehow Tiger and Rory will both be golfing in shirts which are missing the right sleeve. Heaven forbid there being any inclement weather as Rory’s outerwear layer is only the right half of his body. No left torso or left arm. Neither of these scripts has socks, which could be tough on those Augusta hills. Neither has underwear. That’s an issue.
Rickie Fowler Masters Apparel Script
Below is Rickie Fowler’s Masters apparel script from Puma (click to enlarge).
Fowler’s Masters apparel script has no socks or underwear
I guess the “missing right arm” thing is big this year because like Tiger and Rory, Rickie’s script (above) has no right arms at all. Also, no socks or underwear. I suggest some anti-chafe cream.
Jason Day Masters Scripting
Jason Day (my pick once again to win and lost money last year in Vegas) has probably the best apparel script, from adidas.
As far as I can tell Jason is not missing anything obvious. Strangely, all of his shirts do come with the right arm intact. Can’t see if he has socks or underwear on, but I’m going to give him the benefit of the doubt.
Louis Oosthuizen Apparel Script
I really like Louis Oosthuizen. He seems to always bring some serious game to Augusta. But he might have some problems this week because of issues with his apparel scripting.
While his outfits all do include right arms, I think Louis is going to be at a big disadvantage with no shoes, underwear, or socks. I don’t see a hat either. He might get sunstroke without a hat, if he hasn’t had to withdraw due to sore bare feet.
Tony Korologos Scripting
Last year I broke the mold on apparel scripting for the Masters, doing my own Paulina Gretzky poses:
2014 Masters Apparel Script – Golf PR Companies Take Note
I’m not sure I can top last year’s script, but I’m going to give it a shot. Stay tuned.