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Trash9Network

Top 51 Things Golf Can Do Without

Written by: Tony Korologos | Date: Tuesday, May 27th, 2014
Categories: BoneheadsGolfGolf MediaMiscellaneous

I decided to post a top ten list of things golf could (should) do without. Similar to Skynet, the list became self-aware and started writing itself. I tried to pull the plug but it was too late. This list is sure to grow, but for now here are the top 51 things golf can do without.  The list is numbered, but not ordered in priority.

Trash9Network

“Trash9Network” – Here is a prime example of what golf can do without, complete with trashy content, bad photos, and even misspelling the word “caddie”

  1. Equipment release cycles which make your brand new awesome longest-ever shiny $400 driver obsolete junk 10 minutes after you buy it
  2. Cart paths
  3. Morons in PGA Tour galleries who yell “you da man!”
  4. Boneheads who yell “get in the hole!” on 497 yard par-4 tee shots
  5. Idiots who yell “mashed potatoes”
  6. Golf course wedding reception centers (see #7, #8)
  7. Golf course weddings (see #6, #8)
  8. Gigantic clubhouses which cost so much, courses have host weddings to pay for them (see #6, #7)
  9. Golf bloggers who don’t use a spell checker (hope to hell I didn’t spell anything wrong in this piece..)
  10. Golf bloggers/review sites who don’t know how to focus a camera (kudos for taking your own pictures though, see #40, #41)
  11. Golf bloggers who don’t know the difference between “your” and “you’re” or “their/there/they’re”
  12. Ex golf “journalists” who call their articles blogs because nobody read them when they were “articles”
  13. Slow play
  14. Publications who post photos of sluts to generate traffic and call it “golf lifestyle” (see #15, #31, #50)
  15. Back9Network (see #24, #29, #30, #31, #50)
  16. Changes to the rules of a great game which has lasted over 1400 years without Tiger Woods and without modern golf marketing (see #17)
  17. 15 inch golf holes
  18. Over-watered Augusta-green golf courses
  19. Watermarked photos of Kidd Rock
  20. Websites/social networks whose sole fan base is there for to get free stuff (see #23)
  21. Apparel scripts
  22. Players who don’t repair their divots
  23. Cheesy tour vans which are neither associated with a tour, or with a golf equipment manufacturer (see #20)
  24. Reporters who report about Tiger Woods, even when Woods is not playing
  25. Kenny G
  26. George Lopez
  27. Golfers who don’t fix their ball marks
  28. Golf courses designed and built for the sole purpose of of selling real estate
  29. More websites covering professional golf, recapping last week’s scores
  30. Photos of hot tour wives and girlfriends/golf T&A (see #14, #15, #31, #50)
  31. 24/7 coverage of Lindsey Vonn, Amanda Dufner, Elin Nordegren, Paulina Gretzky (see #13, #14, #15, #28, #50)
  32. More “how to fix your slice” instruction pieces.  The first 48,892,103 didn’t work.
  33. Grow the Game initiatives proposed and championed by those who have a vested financial interest in golf. (Thanks Kent from Twitter)
  34. Recreational golfers reading a putt from 4 sides like $1M was riding on it. (Thanks Gary from Twitter)
  35. More “what’s in the bag?” photos (especially those with watermarks)
  36. Cheaters, also known as “sandbaggers”
  37. On-course golf instruction (Thanks Neil Sagebiel via Google+)
  38. More golf blogs
  39. Golf review sites/blogs who write cookie cutter reviews based on press releases and not based on actual testing of the gear
  40. Golf review sites/blogs that use stock PR images for their reviews (See # 10. Did they even have the gear in hand?)
  41. Instagram (also known as instalame) filters on photos (see #10)
  42. Chris Berman announcing golf – “Roger Chocolate-Maltbie” or “Woods is four beneath par” or “ground control to David Toms.”  Please stop.
  43. The question, “will Tiger Woods break Jack Nicklaus’s major championship record?”  Stop now.
  44. Dumb people who get hurt letting golfers tee up shots on their ass
  45. Golfers who don’t rake bunkers after using them
  46. Grouchy golf course marshals
  47. Golf course marshals who spend 100% of their time looking for golf balls and not paying attention to the pace of play or helping golfers
  48. Golf courses which sell you full retail green fees and let you find out the on the first green that the greens were just aerated, or that the course is in terrible condition
  49. Golf plagiarism
  50. Back9Network (see #15, #29, #30, #31, #50)
  51. Websites or golf product manufacturers who spell “caddie” wrong (caddy) (see photo, #15, #50)

Feel free to comment in anything I might have missed.  Just don’t put HOG on the list or I might move over to bowling.

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