Ah yes. Time for another edition of “Stupid Press Questions.” Yesterday was a virtual buffet of moronic questions by the bonehead scribes in the Masters press room.
Scribe: “Tiger, do you still believe you will break the major record?”
Tiger just looks at the guy…
My answer: “No. I don’t think so. I suck. I’ve lost my game. I’m thinking of taking up a new sport, like bowling.”
Scribe: “Tiger, do you feel ready this week?”
What kind of answer does this idiot expect, a no?
My answer: “Honestly I’m not ready. I mean, I’ve had months to prepare for the year’s first major and I’m completely lost. I can’t putt. I can’t chip. I have no game plan worked out. In fact I appreciate you asking me this. I think I’m going to withdraw.”
Scribe: “Jack as you were coming down the back nine in 86, did you feel 46?”
Jack: “I hope so. That was a great age.”
My answer: “You know, I was thinking I felt more like 45.39839849.”
Scribe asks Phil Mickelson: “How important is your short game this week?”
This is one of the dumbest questions I’ve ever heard. This media guy has waited all winter and spring to ask this question? He had months to prepare and asks a question this dumb? Amazing.
My answer: “Short game at The Masters is completely unimportant. I plan on hitting all 72 greens in regulation, so I haven’t worked on it at all.”